[LANMaster]

..... and on the lighter side


BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES' ROOT CAUSES OF TERRORISM TIMELINE

450 million years ago: First cartilaginous fishes

240 million years ago: Gore Vidal born

6000 BC Sumerians invent beer in Fertile Crescent; Madonna born

2000 BC Gore Vidal publishes first of gazillion books blaming all world's problems on America; no one knows wtf he's talking about

800 BC Madonna's Smearing the Pap Tour opens & closes in Gomorrah: "tired" "too old" "same old crap"

600 BC Jewish captivity in Babylon; Madonna begins study of Kabbalah, typically ahead of pack, as it has not yet been codified

63 BC Roman conquest of Jerusalem

33 AD Crucifixion of Jesus

135 AD Destruction of Jerusalem, Diaspora begins

625 AD Mohammed weds 6-year-old child bride Aisha, beating out rival Woody Allen

650 AD Koran codified, banning alcohol. Mideast becomes official No-Fun Zone

650 AD Susan Lucci debuts as Erica on All My Children

732 AD French accidentally defeat Muslims at Tours

1096 Crusades launched in response to advance of Seljuks in East & Almoravids in Spain. Susan Lucci loses 500th Emmy nomination.

1200 AD - present Decline & ossification of Islam

1322 Liza marries Edward II: "He's no homo."

1517-1917 Ottoman Empire rules Palestine

1700 Age of Reason & scientific revolution; Islam misses train

1750 Industrial Revolution; Islam AWOL again

1776 American Revolution inaugurates 200+ year representative democracy

1789 French Revolution ends in tyranny

1882 First Zionists migrate to Palestine, fleeing Russian pogroms. Jews begin to purchase land from Arabs

1884 Liza marries Oscar Wilde: "100% man"

1917 Russian Revolution ends in tyranny

1924 Fundamentalist Wahhabi al Saud dynasty conquers Mecca & Medina, creating Saudi state

1939-45 Nazi Holocaust, 6 million Jews slaughtered; successful resistance in Finland, Italy, Bulgaria, & Denmark

1941 Grand Mufti has tea with Hitler: "Our fundamental condition for cooperating with Germany was a free hand to eradicate every last Jew from Palestine & the Arab world." Martha Stewart born.

1946 George Bush born; Louis Reard invents bikini

1948 UN partition of Palestine, birth of Israel; Arab League armies attack Israel, which kicks their butts

1949 Chinese Revolution ends in tyranny

1955 Liza marries J. Edgar Hoover: "He's a pile-driver!"

1959 Cuban Revolution ends in tyranny

1965 Days of Our Lives debuts on NBC; Dick Cheney marries Lynne Vincent

1967 Six Day War, Israel kicks butt. Cassandra Peterson becomes youngest Vegas showgirl at 16.

1969 Ted Kennedy hits speed bump on Martha's Vineyard; Elvis tells Cassandra Peterson to get out of Vegas

1973 Yom Kippur War, Israel kicks butt again. Susan Sontag invited to speak at Bennington by Camille Paglia, puts audience on life support with lugubrious existentialism

1976 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal Jerry Brown

1979 Iranian revolution ends in tyranny

1981 Cassandra Peterson renames herself Elvira, debuts on KHJ-TV in LA

1983 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal George Lucas

1988 Elvira: Mistress of the Dark released, Elvira-mania sweeps America

1993 Israel signs 'peace accord' with terrorist army, which turns West Bank & Gaza into armed camps. Transatlantic Battle of the Bitches faxfest between Julie Burchill & Camille Paglia.

1994 Sarah Michelle Gellar wins Emmy for All My Children, much to someone's displeasure; is quickly written off show

1999 Susan Lucci finally wins Emmy, no longer laughingstock of daytime TV

2000 Florida election fiasco; Al Gore drags judiciary into election, seeking recount in 4 counties he thinks he can win, a move he will later regret. Elvira on Hollywood Squares. Barak offers state to Palestinians. Arafat unleashes intifada, exploding Palestinian youths like party favors

2001 September 11th attacks on New York & the Pentagon; Congress grants military authority to President Bush with lone exception of Barbara Lee, who says we need to look at root causes of terrorism. American military topples Taliban in move Michael Moore vociferously opposed but now pretends he supported because he realizes it makes him look like an idiot.

2002 Liza marries David Gest, owner of world's largest collection of Shirley Temple memorabilia. Gore Vidal, world's oldest living organism, says Bush had advance knowledge of 9/11 attack & allowed it; also claims FDR allowed Pearl Harbor attack. Elvira's Haunted Hills goes straight to video. Mecca Cola debuts in France

2003 Bush launches Iraq War & deposes genocidal madman Saddam Hussein; liberals upset. Gaddafi shats his pants. Madonna's American Life flops; she prepares antiwar video, but thinks better of it. Al Gore & Courtney Love slide into insanity. David Gest humiliates self by claiming Liza beat the crap out of him.

2004 Beautiful Atrocities sweeps Drudge into recycle bin of history; Israel defeats intifada; Michael Moore groupie Linda Ronstadt causes riot with one too many tired encores of Desperado; free elections in Afghanistan; Yasser Arafat croaks, setting off power struggle between grieving widow Suha Arafat & PA cronies over purloined millions; Martha Stewart sent to snake pit. Despite best efforts, Dan Rather, not George Bush, becomes jobless

2005 Amnesty International laughingstock after comparing Gitmo to Stalin's slave-labor gulag that imprisoned 18 million people. Free elections in Iraq, pro-democracy demonstrations in Syria, Egypt, & Gulf States, 'Arab democracy' no longer oxymoron

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[WarC]

Hehehehe

[Mulderator]

Originally Posted by LANMaster

Gore Vidal, world's oldest living organism, says Bush had advance knowledge of 9/11 attack & allowed it; also claims FDR allowed Pearl Harbor attack.

Is Gore Vidal the real name of Xico?

[LANMaster]

Originally Posted by Mulder

Is Gore Vidal the real name of Xico?

..... or wino?

[Mulderator]

Originally Posted by LANMaster

..... or wino?

Possibly--although wino is a bit more rational--not a whole lot--he definitely is a tin foiler but I don't think he beleives Bush had advance knowledge of 9/11.