[mom2inky]

per my honey, i am mean. but i truly believe that family/friends (especially family) should "love me in life, not love me in death". My daughter and granddaughter have cut off contact with me and my husband; my husband...NO idea why, since she won't talk or write me!! (her stepfather, calls her periodically though--and i send cards/letters every two weeks, which she doesn't acknowledge/reply to) My grandson, Joshua, always calls me when he visits his mom (his dad has custody and won't let him call from his house or take our calls) we have a very close relationship. Going my this belief, and as a Christian I am at peace with leaving my daughter $1 and some personal effects; my granddaughter personal effects; grandson $10,000 and personal effects. Of, course everything else is my husbands. So, your thoughts? Oh, and pray for Tami and Brittney..always tell them in the cards/letters..Christ is walking with you everyday, just turn around, give your life to him and you will have such a joyous life!

[valley]

Originally Posted by mom2inky

Going my this belief, and as a Christian I am at peace with leaving my daughter $1 and some personal effects;

So, your thoughts?

Since you asked...I think the dollar is a slap in the face. It reminds me of people who leave waitresses one cent on the table as an insult. Is this really the way you want your daughter to remember you? IMO, you arent required to leave her any money at all. The personal effects would be enough to let her know that you never forgot her, even if she turned her back on you. Better yet..leave her your Bible, with lots of highlighted passages that show her the way to Christ. At least it will be done out of love, which is how we are supposed to be characterized as Children of God.

I can relate to your pain of having your child turn her back on you. My sister disowned my father for 10 years. She accepted birthday and Christmas cards with money in them but never acknowledged him in any way. My parents fought a lot when we were kids and dad was always moody and unapproachable. She blamed every problem she ever had on him and hurt him very deeply with a nasty letter cutting him out of her life.

In November of 2002, we were attending another sister's wedding and out of the blue, she apologized to him and told him she was sorry and he broke down and cried. He never stopped loving her and he was plagued with guilt for years because of her anger at him. I dont know what your situation is...but I know how badly your daughter has hurt you because I saw it happen to my dad. I'm very sorry that you have had a similar thing happen to you, even if your daughter had different reasons than my sister did.

But still....as a Christian and a fellow believer in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I question your motives for leaving a single dollar to your daughter. I dont know you so I cant say whats in your heart and its your decision to make but from the outside looking in, it appears to be a decision that will hurt her feelings very badly. Why would you want that?

[ChrisJones]

For what it's worth I have to agree with Valley. Leaving $1 would be a bit of a slap in the face, and as Val said this isn't how you want your daughter to remember you. Perhaps leave her the personal effects you mentioned and a nice letter.

I'm afraid I can't really relate as I'm not a parent and don't know you, so it's hard for me to say anything truely meaningful. You don't explicitly say it but it seems as though you still love your daughter as you still try to retain contact by writing to her, I guess as a parent you never stop loving your child.

If you do decide to write her a letter to be opened on your passing, I would suggest you try to stick to positive themes, perhaps mention that you are hurt by her absence but don't dwell on it, stick to the good times you remember and let her know that above all else you still love her and you'll be looking down on her from heaven.

That about all the advice I'm able to give. I wish you luck with whichever path you choose, and I hope you and your daughter can reconcile your differences before you leave us.

Chris.

[Stoner]

I hadn't intended on replying till I saw your post Val......well said.

[valley]

Thank you Jack.

Its definitely a tough situation to be in, i'll bet.

[Gabriel]

I agree with Valley too. There are some very deep divisions in ,my family. Why to keep them going on after, say my demise is a ludicrous stance. I have already made the choice to divide assets as if no rifs have ever occurred between anyone.
I hope that my feelings of being slighted, or unloved or unappreciated don't get in the way.

[linskyjack]

I'm worth millions and definitely believe in primogeniture in order to continue our control over the country By the way, I didn't quite understand the walk in Christ stuff mixed in with the 1 dollar stuff.

[SlackAli]

Originally Posted by linskyjack

I'm worth millions

Check your pms: begging letter on its way.

Originally Posted by linskyjack

By the way, I didn't quite understand the walk in Christ stuff mixed in with the 1 dollar stuff.

God moves in mysterious ways: at least he seems to when it comes to understanding much of the Christian morality posted here

[Gabriel]

Originally Posted by linskyjack

I didn't quite understand the walk in Christ stuff mixed in with the 1 dollar stuff.

I find that hard to believe

[valley]

Originally Posted by SlackAli

God moves in mysterious ways: at least he seems to when it comes to understanding much of the Christian morality posted here

Lets not beat around the bush, shall we? Explain what you mean and be specific please.

I'll sum it all up for you, incase you misunderstood.

A woman has asked for our opinion as to her decision to leave her estranged daughter a dollar when she dies. She has obviously been hurt by her daughter's treatment of her and for some reason, she feels that she is justified in her decision. Since she identified herself as a Christian and asked for our opinion...I gave her one. If you have a problem with anything that she has said or I have said then please state what your problem is so we can clear it up.

[valley]

Originally Posted by linskyjack

By the way, I didn't quite understand the walk in Christ stuff mixed in with the 1 dollar stuff.

I'll try to explain.

Christians dont always put God first in their decisions. No one does. From a Biblical POV, its called "being human and prone to sin". I know from personal experience that Christians sometimes struggle with feelings of pride, anger and resentment. If you let those feelings take root in your heart, it can take a long time to get over them and during that whole process, you might act out of character and do some things that are wrong.

To be a bit more to the point on your question...the "Christ stuff mixed in with the 1 dollar stuff" is out of character for a Christian, imo.

Thats why its good to talk to other people. No man is an island. We all need a little help now and then, especially when our judgment is clouded by our emotions.

[SlackAli]

Originally Posted by valley

Lets not beat around the bush, shall we? Explain what you mean and be specific please.

I'll sum it all up for you, incase you misunderstood.

A woman has asked for our opinion as to her decision to leave her estranged daughter a dollar when she dies. She has obviously been hurt by her daughter's treatment of her and for some reason, she feels that she is justified in her decision. Since she identified herself as a Christian and asked for our opinion...I gave her one. If you have a problem with anything that she has said or I have said then please state what your problem is so we can clear it up.

Fair point. When I said "posted here", I meant in the forum as a whole rather than this specific thread. I realised possible misinterpretation after posting, but was sidetracked before I could edit.

I'm far from an expert on Christian theology and ethics, but as a general point, many of the avowed Christian respondents seem to exhibit little of the empathy and tolerance and understanding which I've always assumed was central to the Christian credo. This is not a profound observation, as it seems obvious from a cursory view of many of the thread topics. This seems a peculiarly American phenomenon, because of the intertwining of evangelical fundamentalism with a particular view of political power and cultural practices. (not that all American Christians posting here are "guilty" by any means).

In terms of the thread starter's dilemma, I wouldn't presume to offer a view on the facts as presented. I would assume though that an avowed Christian would seek guidance from within their church rather than broadcasting their problems within this sort of setting.

[clhcpa]

I've always thought that people who cut family members out of their will monetarily based on something they've done or not done is just one more way of trying to control that person even after death. This is your child. This is your beloved daughter. Nothing she could do should make you want to show favoritism to your grandson over her. It's as if you're paying your grandson for maintaining a close relationship with you. And as Valley said, leaving $1 would be like a slap in the face to your daughter. Do you really want that to be her last memory of you? You are hurt by her cutting you out of your life -- do you really want to hurt her in return?

I believe your estate should be divided equally among your children/grandchildren or given to charity, leaving only your personal effects to your children/grandchildren. A letter to your daughter telling her how deeply you love her and remembering her childhood and growing up years would be a gift that she will remember until her own death -- and perhaps help your granddaughter to see how deeply you love her mother -- no matter what you decide to do with the actual cash.

I do have some personal experience in this area -- I haven't cut my mother out of my life, but we do have a huge chasm because of her religious beliefs, as do both my stepbrothers -- but I also know that she and my stepfather have not changed their will -- it still divides their estate equally among the five children (my mom has three, my stepfather two). There has been no talk of leaving only a dollar to those of us who do not practice the same religion. We are their children. They love us. It's as simple as that.

[Wino]

Do what you think is fair in your mind. That's all that matters.

[valley]

Originally Posted by SlackAli

Fair point. When I said "posted here", I meant in the forum as a whole rather than this specific thread. I realised possible misinterpretation after posting, but was sidetracked before I could edit.

ah. That helps, thank you. It really did appear that you were pointing a finger directly at mom2inky or myself.

as a general point, many of the avowed Christian respondents seem to exhibit little of the empathy and tolerance and understanding which I've always assumed was central to the Christian credo. This is not a profound observation, as it seems obvious from a cursory view of many of the thread topics. This seems a peculiarly American phenomenon, because of the intertwining of evangelical fundamentalism with a particular view of political power and cultural practices. (not that all American Christians posting here are "guilty" by any means).

thanks for clarifying that. This just came up in another thread where a few of us were saying the same thing. Please read page three of this thread and you will see a few of us who actually agree with what you've just said. Its a real problem that should be addressed more often in the Evangelical Churches of America. That it goes unchallenged should concern professing Christians a lot more than it does, imo. Then again, when you do challenge popular evangelical leaders, you are ostracized for going against mainstream Christianity.

I would assume though that an avowed Christian would seek guidance from within their church rather than broadcasting their problems within this sort of setting.

It might be easier to get some opinions from strangers, knowing that you dont have to face them every week if they dont agree with your decision, ya know?