BobJam

Hey Valley,



Have been a TSG "drive-by hello" person myself for the past couple of months. Just happened to stop in here to copy a rule regarding passwords for another forum reference.

Your laundry room brings back fond memories of my youth in PA.

Following the "low energy" lifestyle I've become accustomed to in my retirement, we really don't have anything planned for Thanksgiving. Will probably sit in my Lazy-Boy and watch football all day. Used to cook a turkey myself but that has become too much of a hassle now just for the two of us. Relatives and family are distant, and traveling is not an option for me anymore. May call the kids (funny, I still call them "kids", and my daughter is 35 and my son is 40) in PA and Jersey.

Anyway, glad I picked up your recent message. Happy Holidays to you and your family . . . sincerely!

BJ

P.S. And I love to watch the Grinch tape I have. It's the original with Boris Karloff narrating the Dr. Suess story . . . animated version not the recent Jim Carey movie.

Hi Bob. Hope you and your Mrs. have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Sorry I was not around to answer your last message on my profile. I have not been to TSG other than a quick "drive-by hello" in quite some time now. My 3 year old keeps me so busy! We have been getting some snow here...a few very cold days (down to 16F degrees one night!) My poor laundry room is overflowing with hats, scarves, boots, coats and gloves for the 5 of us....of course everyone needs 3 sets of everything and my laundry room is very small...*sigh* But we are thankful to have warm clothes for winter..its a lot more than some people have!

How are you doing Bob? You feeling ok? I've thought about you a time or two and hoped you were healthy, happy and all that jazz! What are your plans for the holidays?

*hugs*
val

I havent been to the site much either. I've been getting away from online forums a bit and spending more time doing other things so no worries about tardiness because I am tardy too!

Ben's email snippet made me feel a pang in my heart...very poignant to see the things that he wrestled with in his mind. I'm sure it was good for him to write it out to you...writing helps so much when you are feeling down so I am so glad you were there for him...to listen to him so he didnt feel so lonely.

I too have had a random moment here and there when Ben passes through my mind. I wish I had known more of him sooner during my time here at TSG. During the year and a half that I knew him, we didnt talk enough to get to know each other beyond being mere acquaintances until the last few months he was alive. I envy how long your friendship was with him!

All is fine here on the homefront....my kids keep me busy and winter will be upon us before we know it so i'm trying to get ready for that...dont think you can ever be ready enough though!

*hugs*

Hope you are well, Bob!

when I was full of vim & vinegar

You mean you're not now??

Ha! Nope...I have a bit of vim left but the vinegar has been gone for many moons now!

No . . . doesn't bother me any. To use your words, any friend of Ben is a friend of mine.

No worries here . . . am not really critical of other people's beliefs as long as they are genuine, and yours certainly seem to be.

Excellent, thanks. I appreciate that!

I was confused about Ben's date of passing because one son, Tim, had given it as the 26th, and the other son, Nik, had given it as the 24th. So I wrote them a brief email asking about it. I got this response back from Tim:
Hello Bob
the death certificate stated the date of death as being July 24
If he passed on the 24th, then that's particularly poignant for me since he wrote me an email on the 23rd . . . the day before he went (spooky).

I haven't asked about the circumstances of his passing, like if he was in the hospital or they found him in his "cabin". That's pretty sensitive stuff, so if I even ask at all, I'll wait for a few weeks

I cant imagine what might have happened so quickly for him to be writing one day and then gone the next. I kinda figured that he was in the hospital when it happened, since he knew the stitches had reopened. I figured sepsis set in or something like that but maybe it was a blood clot or something sudden like that. It is a very sensitive subject...we may never know. It was good to know that there were lots of people at his wake. I wish I had known..I would have sent some flowers to it.

Just stopping by to say hi! Hope you are well.

Ben had asked you one time . . . I have the same question: should we be counting characters?? Does this thing have a limit . . . have you ever hit it??

Neither Ben nor I ever hit the character limit, which surprises me because we were both "wordy" people. I am pretty sure it is the same as the regular forums limits...i'm not sure what it is but know that I did hit it a few times in some of the debates I was involved in "back in the day" when I was full of vim & vinegar. I had to go back and deleted portions of my reply because I was over the character limits...yep, they were real doozies, lol!


I tried that "Open Contacts Popup" and it was very cool, EXCEPT it showed that Ben was obviously offline . . . very sad reminder. I'm wondering if I should remove him from my friends list . . . waddya think?? It would be to avoid nasty little reminders like that.

I dont know...I still have angelize56 (Marlene) on my friend list and she's been gone for over a year now. I do feel sad when I see her name and at some point, I will probably remove it, along with Ben's...its up to you and when you feel ready to let go, though. If it bothers you then there's nothing wrong with removing it.

I never could figure out where Ben stood on those things, though I never really probed because in my way of thinking those things are personal and should be left that way. If someone wants to offer their views on those things, fine, but I'm not going to dig it out or argue it if it's their belief and not mine.

I agree..I am content to leave things alone if people dont want to talk about them, although I do enjoy a good debate when the other party is willing.

I do make an exception for those Jehovah Witnesses that knock on my door (and so did Ben btw . . . he and I did talk about that specifically). I always invite them in kindly (no reason to get nasty with those folks) and get around to discussing the Bible. Now I'm pretty much a heathen myself (been long since excommunicated by the Pope I'm sure, and am certainly not running for sainthood . . . just ask my wife on that one), but when I ask them if Cain and Able had a brother, they usually don't know. Heathen me knows more about the Bible than they do (the answer is Seth, as I'm sure you know).

I have had some nice conversations with the JW's too. I dont know if you have ever seen me around TSG before now but I am a born-again Christian (please dont cringe ) and have been studying the Bible for about 11 years now. I'm not a preachy person but I do feel that matters of faith are extremely important to deal with at some point in a person's life. Aside from that...my faith has brought me so much peace and joy that its hard not to share it sometimes. Its like finding a treasure that you want to share but having to accept that some people are already content with what they have and dont want what you offer. Lots of people joke and call me a Bible thumper...but I really only "thump" in the debates. I have friends who have made it clear that our religious differences are off limits and I totally respect that and we dont bring it up. On the other hand...I have had a few people who have said they wanted to debate it but then didnt bargain for the argument they got and then walked away angry because they thought I would tiptoe around their sensibilities. I am always hesitant making new friends because I worry that if the subject ever comes up, I will push people away with my strong views. Dont get me wrong...I am not mean about it in any way. I try to be as loving as possible....but still....well you know, matters of faith are a very sensitive area for people.

I also am not a member of the Catholic church anymore. I was raised Catholic but left the church in my mid-to late 20's. My family had a fit and according to the 95 Catechism, I am going to hell for abandoning Christ's one and only "true" church. Oh well...I believe that I can have a relationship with God without the RCC telling me how I am to conduct that relationship.

Well . . . enough about that. I just wanted to say that it was something Ben and I stayed away from . . . with the exception of the Jehova Witnesses. Here's one of the kinder things he had to say about them:

The Jehovah's Witnesses have put me back on their target list and I sat with two wives recently while their husbands chewed the chaff in their posh car (Volvo). What a difference a couple or three years makes in us all. The wife I knew from the past began by reminding me of the girl I was engaged to in New Zealand who was a Witness (so I found out later). Nothing like going on the offensive. And these people are hardened from the conflict they have taken to heart.

Haha...I bet it was a real treat to sit and talk with Ben like that.


My single (loner, loser, mis-fit,hermit?) life is not so dissimilar. I have two modes which are antithetical, able to cope and not so. Two memories as it were, which, if I retain both, may sustain my existence regardless of the quality, the down-market quality of each. There is my trap. Show me a man not trapped by his life and we shall be in one of three places - heaven, hell or neither (between? - if that's a place). Life is the trap we find ourselves in, between the before and the after.

How sad, Bob, that he felt this way. He sounded world-weary and without hope.

The poem was beautiful..i've heard it many times.

omigosh...was that long or what?

Hi Bob! First, the forum questions:

You asked: What's "Social Network"? (Not selectable for me).

My reply: "Social Network" is for anything personalized type of stuff...visit with friends, share pictures in your personal albums, join a social group, find other members, etc..click on any of the links and it takes you to different parts of the site.

What's "Open Contact's Popup"?

If you click on it, the names of everyone that you have on your friend list pops up in a new window and it tells you if they are online or not. Its just a quick way to find out if one of your friends is online.

What's "Social Groups"?

Social groups...if you click on that link, you will be taken to a place where other users have started groups that you can join. For instance, someone might start a group called "Arizona Residents"...and the only people who would join would be people who live in AZ...social groups are a good place for like-minded people to gather and talk amongst each other.

What's "Miscellaneous"? (Also not selectable for me).

Miscellaneous is just the title...underneath it, you will see a list of other options to choose...a quick link to your control panel, the rules of TSG or to the arcade if you play games there, for instance.

I don't get what you mean by "I solved that problem by copy and pasting another person's words into my reply and then changing them to another color" when you spoke of your workaround to the forbidden formatting. I did see in one of your replies to Ben how you did the "What's" in blue. What's confusing me is that apparently if this thing detects any formatting it's rejected . . . so how did you "sneak" in formatting without this thing detecting it??

I didnt sneak around the forbidden formatting. Apparently, you just cant use the quote feature, but you can use the colors, text size, bold and italicize that are including in your reply box. Look above the box next time you make a reply....see the letter 'A' with a black line under it? Click on the tiny arrow next to it and a little box of colors shows up. You just click on the color you want and it puts the tags in for you. Or you can type it in yourself---> [*color=red][*b] text [*/b] [*/color]without the asterisks gives you this ----> text. You seem to be familiar with formatting already, though so you may have already known that.

Like you, I use formatting to organize my letters mostly. I miss having the quote function in visitor messages (its the same way when you post in the social groups too..you cant quote anyone to answer them or parts of their letters directly!)

The smilies are solely here to inject my personality into the message...we ladies enjoy using our smilies!

Now....on to Ben........

Ben didn't like Howard, but in his final days Howard apparently helped him some . . .

I took a look at that cricket club web page I just gave you the link for, and I had expected to see some kind of tribute to Ben, or at least a mention of his passing. Nothing. Either I missed it, or else Ben's contempt for Howard may have been well placed.

I get the impression that maybe Howard was a bit full of himself if Ben called him "the man". I looked at the site too...I was tempted to write to Howard and tell him how much I will miss Ben. I wonder what he would think of that.

Once in a while I failed to get what Ben was saying . . . sometimes he rambled on waxing poetic, and I have no idea what he was saying or what he was getting at. It was either so profound that it went over my head, or it was gibberish . . . probably a little bit of both. When he did that, I think maybe he was on his medication, or else was severely depressed. Sometimes he seemed very lucid and other times he seemed looped. (Of course, the line between genius and crazy is very fine.)

I can imagine...I never got the "down side" of him. He was always so kind with me. Most people consider me "old-fashioned". I have clear conservative ideals about life, politics, religion etc..and I really appreciated his gentle way of speaking and how kind he was to me.

Ben always maintained that he was clumsy when it came to women. But in his writing to you I see someone who was very deferential, kind, and poetic to women . . . NOT clumsy. Of course, we talked like two old bulls with remnants of testosterone, so I wouldn't have expected to see that side of him in our conversations. Clearly he held you in high regard. Ben was not gregarious to most, and he and I both shared a tendency to shy away from strangers, and picked our friends very particularly. So again, his choosing you as a friend was rare, unique, and meant that he held you in high regard. It is unlikely that "more people" would "know how special he was" because he didn't want to know "more people". Like myself, he gives most people a "grunt", and that's it.

Thank you for saying that...I am so grateful to know that he enjoyed our friendship as much as I did. Of course now...looking back, I wish I had spent more time writing to him. I guess everyone has a few regrets like that when they lose a friend. Its a comfort to know that he held me in high regard.

He characterized himself as a "loner", and while I may be a little more gregarious than he was, we both commiserated on our mutual dim view of the human race in general (you excepted of course).

I guess I feel a little better knowing that he withdrew from people by choice. I first started writing to him because I thought he seemed lonely. He had spent a lot of time in the WinMe forums trying to help me get Angel's computer fixed when it had broken down. When she died, I thought of all that he had done to help and wrote to him to let him know what had happened and to thank him again for what he did....he said something to the effect of how no one ever followed up with him on any of the help he had given. He seemed really surprised by my letter of thanks. And I got to thinking that maybe he didnt get thanked very often for the things that he did for others. Can you imagine how discouraging it must be to give of yourself but not have it reciprocated? Of course you can...you were a teacher! Anyhow...it wasnt long after that that we started writing in pm's..just a word or two every now and then to say "hello how are you". He may have had a dim view of the human race but i'm sure he never lost that fundamental human need for love and companionship with others....I cant tell you how glad I am that you were such a good friend to him through your emails, Bob. I'm sure he enjoyed your correspondence greatly.

I did read to the end on the "western canada" thread and yes, he seemed depressed at the end of it.

Would you have to get some kind of New York State "certification" to be a sub??

Nope, not here. All you need is the fingerprinting, which I had done already when i worked there the last time. I was surprised...I thought you'd surely need some sort of training but apparently, the need for help is so great that they will take anyone (lucky me, lol! ) I have 2 friends who are subbing...they got "on the job training" basically...

well, I have to stop for now...i've talked your ear off! We are expecting a severe thunderstorm storm here between 2-5pm. My computer was fried two times by lightening hits so I always unplug it now....darned surge protectors are junk, imo! Of course, I could spend the money and get a decent one....

talk to you soon! *hugs*

Good morning Bob! I read your first message this morning and since then, have been reading the "hey Ben from Western Canada" thread, along with my morning cup of coffee. I have stopped reading on page 7 and will finish up later.

Ben...I had no idea he lived in the conditions he did. I assume it was normal to him so he was not bothered by it but still...at his age, he should have had more comfort...a room with a view and where the breeze could drift through if he desired it. He should have had someone there to pamper and care for him. I remember once that he mentioned to me that he was in a cabin on his son's laptop...I assumed he was on vacation somewhere and told him that I hoped he got back home soon or something to that effect. He never corrected me

I did sense a bit of melancholy in him but his words were pure poetry and he really charmed me with his stories. I told him that he should write his memoirs one day. I was just telling a friend about him last night and said what a shame it was that more people did not know how special he was. Please feel free to share any memories you have on him with me...it is therapy for you and also for me because I did not get a chance to know him like I really wanted to. We spent about a year writing back and forth occasionally in pm's and when the site upgraded and visitor messages were set up, we talked that way more often. Over the last 2 months, we were talking a lot and it got so I would come to TSG to specifically look and see if he had written. Over the last couple of weeks, I was very worried that he was back in the hospital. At 73..I knew he might have trouble with the surgery and knew he was alone...once or twice I thought "I hope the worst hasnt happened"...but then my mind shied away from the thought. I wrote to ekim to ask if he had heard from Ben...my next step would have been to contact you, because Ben had you as one of his friends in his profile. As soon as I saw your pm, I guessed the content before I even read it.

Now onto you.....thank you for putting up with my "girlie things" lol. I am a sap and doting like a mother so dont mind me if I scatter smilies throughout my posts here.

No, they dont allow any formatting here. I solved that problem by copy and pasting another person's words into my reply and then changing them to another color, as I did with Ben. There were some things that I wanted to reply directly to and it worked better responding point by point instead of writing one big answer to multiple questions.

So I read that you were a teacher. My daughter wants to be an English teacher. We live in a very small area so we dont have much of the problems that you all have with gangs and stuff like that in the classrooms. Our middle school has about 400 students and our high school has 400 students. We are very rural. Each grade has between 80-100 students or so. I used to work in the cafeteria until I became pregnant with our last child, who is 2 now. When he is in kindergarten, I plan to go back, this time as a teachers aid or a substitute teacher. Cafeteria work broke my back!

I have to cut this short...the family is calling me to fix breakfast....I have a busy day today so I will write again as soon as I have a moment to myself. Please write as much as you want! And a big hello and hugs to your wife from me, please. *hugs*

Val