[firestormer]

Not exactly new but i think its worth a post. Came accross it on DeviantArt after searching for Microsoft one very boring afternoon.

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by franca

Polish Joke

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect,
they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him
the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean, what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and

put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'

[Shamou]

Good one Hulk...

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Good one Hulk...

HAH! finally someone noticed me. My ego was beginning to suffer...

[Davec]

Originally Posted by Hulk701

HAH! finally someone noticed me. My ego was beginning to suffer...

You're a lawyer?

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by Davec

You're a lawyer?

Yuk, yuk, Thanks!

[franca]

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When thier kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farners encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want thier children dating anymore. The boy's father asked, "Why not?"

The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow.

The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff."

The other farmer said, "You think I dont' know my own daughter's handwriting?"

[Couriant]

[Hulk701]

So is it true Canadians eat Americans on Thanksgiving?...

[Zaney1]

A family was returning from a picnic when their mini van passed a pet store. The two children cried out in unison " Mom,Dad you said we could get a pet!" The parents looked sheepishly at one another and pulled into the store parking lot. Walking around the store the boy whined for a puppy and the girl a kitten. The parents decided to think about it some more and decide later.
As they were about to leave a parrot says "Hello". Everyone's face lit up & they bought it on the spot.
Back in the mini van on the way home the parrot looks around & says " damn this is nice!"
The mother grabs it by the scruff and puts in the cooler chiding "we're a christian family we'll have none of that nonsense".
When they get home they let the parrot out and shivering the parrot resolves to watch his language. But looking around the house it exclaims " damn this is a nice house". The father chases it & scolds it, red faced saying " you'll learn to watch your language by God!" and puts the parrot in the freezer.
Now the parrot is really scared and promises to never curse again. Suddenly through the dark and mist it sees a frozen turkey and says " damn I wonder what you said!"

[Hulk701]

That's funny Zaney,

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient turkey-ettes?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his grave-y!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Age.

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Fowl language

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes, buildings can't jump

Why did the turkey join the rock band?
He had the drumsticks

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
I'm stuffed!

[Zaney1]

In TX the chicken crossing the road variant is: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
To show the Armadillo that it could be done!

[smooth]

Great jokes everyone.

[franca]

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

[Zaney1]

Two African American guys are driving through a small town in the deep south one night when suddenly a police car appears behind them, lights flashing, siren blaring. The diver pulls over & he's like " man what's this about" ? Cop walks up to the driver window & says" License & registration". As the driver gets the window halfway down the cop hits him with his flashlight in the face. The driver asks " man, what was that for" ? The cop nonchalantly replies " not fast enough, now license & registration" then he strolls around to the other side of the car while the driver gets the requested items. The passenger rolls his window down & BAM! the cop hits him in the face with his flashlight. The passenger asks " man, what was THAT for" ? The cop says "I was just making your wish come true". The passenger asks " my what... what are you talking about" ?
The cop says " Well, I figured you wouldn't have driven half a mile down the road before you turned to your buddy and said: I wish that M___f___r would have hit me like that.