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Hulk701 · 07-Dec-2006, 08:01 PM **#2056**

Okay, this is better.............

In a small South Carolina town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a bar on the edge of town, I asked the bartender about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, ! 'The three wise men came from afar.

Shamou · 07-Dec-2006, 09:13 PM **#2057**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Okay, this is better.............

In a small South Carolina town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a bar on the edge of town, I asked the bartender about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, ! 'The three wise men came from afar.

Hulk... they'll never get that one in the U.K.

Couriant · 07-Dec-2006, 09:33 PM **#2058**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shamou

Hulk... they'll never get that one in the U.K.

lol i just did

Shamou · 07-Dec-2006, 09:41 PM **#2059**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Couriant

lol i just did

Yup... but you've been "American Trained" ...

Couriant · 07-Dec-2006, 11:29 PM **#2060**

true true, but I still become a brit most of the time

franca · 07-Dec-2006, 11:37 PM **#2061**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Couriant

true true, but I still become a brit most of the time

lexmarks567 · 07-Dec-2006, 11:51 PM **#2062**

A blonde walks into a pawn shop and ask the guy how much for your tv in front, the dude replies sorry i don't sell to blondes, she leaves she comes back has a brunnette and asks the guy again, how much for your tv in front? Again he replies sorry i don't sell to blondes,so she leaves comes back later on has a red hed ,again she goes to the guy and ask how much for the tv in front, he replies sorry i don't sell to blondes, Frustraded she asks him why won't you sell me that tv, i came here has a brunnette and a red hed,the guy replies well frankly my dear IF you weren't a blonde you would notice that its not a tv in front its a microwave.

Hulk701 · 08-Dec-2006, 02:10 AM **#2063**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shamou

Hulk... they'll never get that one in the U.K.

Yeah, but they will in Aussie land. That's kinda like Merry ole' England, eh?....

BTW, good one Lexmark

PS> We're up past 2000 posts. Isn't it time for another

J&HT -6??????OMG

It seems like only yesterday we were on J&HT2....

Hulk701 · 08-Dec-2006, 02:18 AM **#2064**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shamou

Yup... but you've been "American Trained" ...

She also lives in Virginia...'bout a stone's thro way from Karalina....

franca · 08-Dec-2006, 09:31 AM **#2065**

Life is all about BUTTS
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one ......

Blackmirror · 08-Dec-2006, 10:00 AM **#2066**

Father and Son - Italian Style
A long time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad.

Looking at his dad's hands, the boy says "Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."

"Well, Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You use this a one to pointata what evea you wanta."

"You see youa thumb? You usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose."

"And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella you about thata one when you getta married."

Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with Papa.

Tony said "Papa, many a year use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages with my thumb... I've picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful ring on my finger from the love of my life, but Papa, oh Papa, what is it I do with this middle finger?"

Papa drew close to Tony and said, "Tony tonight you will make mad hot love to your woman many times and you may become tired. When that happens and your woman turns to you again wanting to makea the love againa, that's when you takea your middle finga, and you poka on her head and say, "Go back to sleep you silly woman!"

Couriant · 08-Dec-2006, 10:34 AM **#2067**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Yeah, but they will in Aussie land. That's kinda like Merry ole' England, eh?....

BTW, good one Lexmark

PS> We're up past 2000 posts. Isn't it time for another

J&HT -6??????OMG

It seems like only yesterday we were on J&HT2....

yeah... i think the maximum is 5000 posts before it's redone... we will make a new one in the 3000 / 4000 post range

Couriant · 08-Dec-2006, 10:37 AM **#2068**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hulk701

She also lives in Virginia...'bout a stone's thro way from Karalina....

and also lived in Georgie, next to the other karalina and then before that in Indi.ana

And next time you call me she, i will slap you silly

Zaney1 · 08-Dec-2006, 10:41 AM **#2069**

A man enters a house of ill repute and goes to a private second story room with a lovely woman. There he begins to disrobe as she lay invitingly on the bed. As he removes his shirt he pounds a fist on his left bicep and says " 5 pounds of dynamite" then repeats the claim about his right bicep. He removes his pants and pounds on his left thigh with a fist proclaiming " 10 pounds of dynamite" and repeats the statement about his right thigh.
He removes his boxers and suddenly the woman jumps up, runs to the window and dives out head first. The man quickly dresses and runs down the stairs completely confused and anxious to see if the woman is ok. He comes out to the front yard where she lay dazed but conscious. He asks "what happened ? Why did you jump out of the window like that?
She replied " When I saw all that TNT and saw how short the fuse was I knew I had to get out fast".

lexmarks567 · 08-Dec-2006, 10:51 AM **#2070**

It's no Laughing Matter

"Of course I won't laugh," the Urologist said. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Jack said, and proceeded to drop his
trousers revealing the tiniest "wiener" the doctor
had ever seen. It couldn't have been size of a
peanut.

Unable to control himself, the Urologist started
giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten
minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet
and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the Urologist. "I really am.... I don't know what came
over me. On my honor as a professional and a gentleman, I promise it won't
happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

Jack replied, "It's swollen...."

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