[Island Girl]

Originally Posted by remaja

funny yet sensible words. good one

remaja. I have to tell you , your Avatar is rather distracting, disturbing and quite funny

[franca]

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"

The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

[ferrija1]

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are some recent winners:


Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . .

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

[iltos]

Originally Posted by ferrija1

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are some recent winners:


Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . .

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

these are great ...proof positive that having too much time on your hands is not always a bad thing

[remaja]

Originally Posted by Island Girl

remaja. I have to tell you , your Avatar is rather distracting, disturbing and quite funny

LOL

hope no one looks at me as a 80 year old man with facial nerve problem. I'm only 79

[Island Girl]

Dear Tide
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

[ferrija1]

Subject: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

7. Don't use any punctuation marks

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

14. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

15. When the money comes out the ATM, scream I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...

18. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.

[xico]

Originally Posted by Island Girl

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The Doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.



_________________________________________________________________

[xico]

Originally Posted by ferrija1

Subject: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

7. Don't use any punctuation marks

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

14. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

15. When the money comes out the ATM, scream I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...

18. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.

Delightful! Got a lot of good chuckles!

[Shamou]

How smart is Your Right Foot ?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon.

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1 WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number " 6" in the air with your right hand .

Your foot's sense of rotation will change direction.



-------------------------

I told you so!!!

And there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

.

[ferrija1]

Originally Posted by Shamou

How smart is Your Right Foot ?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon.

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1 WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number " 6" in the air with your right hand .

Your foot's sense of rotation will change direction.



-------------------------

I told you so!!!

And there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

.

That's crazy!

[ferrija1]

This is kind of like the post before last, though it is not really a joke.

Get a pencil and put the tip about an inch away from your forehead, then move it closer and closer. Do you feel anything?

[Zaney1]

Originally Posted by ferrija1

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
.

That's good stuff ! Can't do this one in Dallas though. A few years back a gorilla really did get loose & police had to kill it. People were not laughing but the morning radio shows had a field day.

[ferrija1]

Originally Posted by Zaney1

That's good stuff ! Can't do this one in Dallas though. A few years back a gorilla really did get loose & police had to kill it. People were not laughing but the morning radio shows had a field day.

That's sad that they had to kill it, but you never know..... *king kong*

[Greytabby]

i got this in my email today.
Kids are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher