[Couriant]

Originally Posted by Blackmirror

A FFfan then .. loved FF7

That I am

PS FFVII has been selling on ebay for about $100 used!

[Greytabby]

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and asked the veteran blonde officer, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"

The blonde sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

[Greytabby]

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"

"$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150...

[lexmarks567]

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.


Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's slight condition.


Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.


Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.


A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!"





So I did..........



I'll be out of the hospital in about six weeks.....

[franca]

Originally Posted by lexmarks567

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.


Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's slight condition.


Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.


Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.


A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!"





So I did..........



I'll be out of the hospital in about six weeks.....

A franca for that one......

[franca]

Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.

One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"

The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"...

[Blackmirror]

[Blackmirror]

The Explorer

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of unfriendly natives.

Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm toast."

A ray of light breaks forth from the sky and a voice booms out:

"No, you are NOT toast. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash in the head of the chief.

He is breathing heavily while standing above the sprawled out-chief.

Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again:

"Okay... NOW you're toast!"

[Davec]

An elderly lawyer and his wife walk into the bar, and the husband goes over and starts flirting with some young women. And the bartender asks the wife, "Doesn't it bother you that your husband is always making passes at the younger women around here?"

"No, no, not really," the wife says. "I mean, dogs chase cars, but that doesn't mean they know how to drive."

[coderitr]

The man slept as the ship sank beneath him. He was awakened by the touch of the south pacific water on his body. As the ship foundered, he looked around and noticed that no one else was there. He had been the only survivor. Scanning the horizon, he saw land. He began to swim and as he got closer he realized that it was an island. He swam and swam until finally he reached the island and pulled himself, exhausted, onto the sandy beach. He was quickly surrounded by the island natives with their spears. The chief spoke in broken English and said "We are the inhabitants of this island and you are trespassing. We intend to stab you with our spears, drink your blood and eat your flesh." Exhausted beyond any hope of resistance, he could only look up and say ......






Spoiler:

"Please, fellas. Don't stick me for the drinks."

[Davec]

A blond stopped at the gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be intelligent thinking she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.

"Excuse me," she said, "but can I buy a longer dipstick?"

"Sure, ma'am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?"

"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil."

[Kenny94]

The mystery is finally resolved.

How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse?

Haven't you ever wondered how it works?

Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.

With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent.

Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to download and when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works. Follow this link and find out the truth

http://www.1-click.jp/

[Farmgirl22]

Originally Posted by Kenny94

The mystery is finally resolved.

How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse?

Haven't you ever wondered how it works?

Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.

With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent.

Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to download and when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works. Follow this link and find out the truth

http://www.1-click.jp/

OMG!!! That was hilarious!!!

[Davec]

The sign some people in Mexico use to keep burglars away:

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies!

[Island Girl]

-------

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint
Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.


She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her "Hello, how are you? We've been
waiting for you! Good to see you."




When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.




"Which word?" the woman asked.




"Love."




The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into
Heaven.




About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch
the Gates of Heaven for him that day.




While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm
surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"




"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I
lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around
the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I
fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"




"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.




"Which word?" her husband asked.




"Czechoslovakia."




Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay
later