[InfernoReaper]

Originally Posted by MorrisAO

That kind of stupidity is scary...

Whats scary is that we have the same comp specs except for RAM (only 256 for me)

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by MorrisAO

That kind of stupidity is scary...

Kinda makes ya wonder why a guy that smart is in jail....

[franca]

Originally Posted by help4me

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.........Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like .......Weather Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ........Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .......Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ........Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like.... ....Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .......Mascara ......They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like...... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ......Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ......Parking Spots..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

For that Bonnie Babe... you get this.............

[franca]

Originally Posted by onsite

did you hear about the guy that went into the auto parts store, walked up to the counter and exclaimed " wiper blade for a Yugo " the parts guy behind the counter thought for a moment then said " sounds like a fair trade to me "

Sounds like a winner to me........

[franca]

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:

1.
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.




2.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.




3.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.




4.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.




5.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.




6.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.




7.
Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.




8.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.




9.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.




10.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"


Have A Fun Day
Remember, These Secrets Can Save A Life, Or A Wife

[MorrisAO]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of that "Brokeback Mountain" crap in our garden." she said.

[Davec]

Change of Status Request - A Petition for Illegal Status July 10, 2006

The Honorable Barbara Boxer
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Boxer,

As a native Californian and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for "becoming an illegal alien" and they referred
me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions
is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a
$2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal etroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications. As well as being able to stop paying exorbitant health care bills.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Arnold S.

[Skivvywaver]

Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern Small-Town Prosecuting Attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie; you cheat on your Wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the Defense Attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different Women. One of them was your Wife. Yes, I know him."

The Defense Attorney almost died.

The Judge asked both Counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you Idiots asks her if she knows
Me, I’ll send you BOTH to the Electric Chair."

[Davec]

Inside your computer

[smooth]

Originally Posted by Davec

Inside your computer

That reminds me of the old Nintendo game "Marble Madness" Really cool game and link

[help4me]

Originally Posted by franca

For that Bonnie Babe... you get this.............

Thank you cyber sweetie

[InfernoReaper]

Originally Posted by smooth246

That reminds me of the old Nintendo game "Marble Madness" Really cool game and link

Thats awesome

[talon03]

That crashed my computer.

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by Davec

Inside your computer

Is it called "marble madness" because it'll drive ya crazy if ya try to follow those blue balls...

Good jokes Dave, Morris and Skinny!

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little *******! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

[InfernoReaper]

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Is it called "marble madness" because it'll drive ya crazy if ya try to follow those blue balls...
..................

ROTFLMAO!!!!!