[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by WhitPhil

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.




Sincerely,

The Dog

[Shamou]

WhitPhil if Candy sees that... OMG... it won't be pretty... you're a very brave person...

[Hulk701]

Okay Shamou,

Let's not tell her................................Okay?

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by Tidus4Yuna

This is cute:

Okay, I'm slow. Can you explain???

[JEBWrench]

Hey, CANDY! Guess what joke Hulk gave a Franca for?

[JEBWrench]

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Okay, I'm slow. Can you explain???

Bunch of animals (nature) in school (taking a course).

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by JEBWrench

Bunch of animals (nature) in school (taking a course).

Thanks Wrenchie. I guess I am slow. I thought it was something having to do with the food chain. And PLEASEEEEEEE don't tell Candy about that joke Pleasseeeeee don't tell her.....

[InfernoReaper]

Originally Posted by grandpaw7

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of
the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto
the pavement............

Originally Posted by WhitPhil

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.........

*laughs hysterically*

[talon03]

hehe loved the cat one

[grandpaw7]

Subject: Life Cycle

I think the life cycle is all backwards:

You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

[franca]

Originally Posted by grandpaw7

Subject: Life Cycle

I think the life cycle is all backwards:

You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

Good one G ......You should post this in the'' What would you change ''..thread...

[franca]

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?

Angus McCoatup

[SlackAli]

A little girl turns to her mother and says, "Mummy,
Billy next door has a willy just like a peanut."
"Do you mean its really tiny?" replies her mother.
"No", the girl answers, "I mean its really salty."

[poochee]

August 2, 2006
Gibson Converts to Judaism

Changes Name to Mel Gibstein

In his boldest bid yet to apologize to the Jewish community, actor Mel Gibson today announced that he had converted to Judaism.

The news took many Jews aback, since conversion to Judaism is a demanding process that can take months or even years of study, and Mr. Gibson accomplished the feat in a record time of forty-five minutes.

But a spokesman for the "Lethal Weapon" star explained how Mr. Gibson pulled off his lightning-fast conversion: "This is Hollywood -- a lot of things can be done by special effects."

Moments after his conversion to Judaism, Mr. Gibson paid a visit to the registrar's office in Los Angeles County and had his name legally changed to "Mel Gibstein" in a show of commitment to his new chosen faith.

Then it was off to Malibu, where the 50-year old actor was bar mitzvahed on the beach in a small, private ceremony.

"Today, I am a man," Mr. Gibstein said before a gathering of friends and well-wishers from the local watering hole Moonshadows. "A Jew man!"

Mr. Gibstein, whose Lexus LS sedan now sports a license plate reading "LCHAIM," said that he was "thoroughly enjoying being a Jew" and vowed to only shop wholesale from now on.

The actor added he would begin production of a new film, "Mad Matzoh Beyond Thundershalom," as soon as he kicks his drinking problem.

"I am really committed to reheeb," he said. "I mean rehab."

Elsewhere, President Bush's annual physical exam revealed that he lost five pounds in the last year, and seventeen approval points.

www.borowitzreport.com

[InfernoReaper]

The was a man and woman riding in a car one day and in a fit of rage the woman reaches over, cuts off the man's <CWLMST> and throws it out the window. Behind that vehicle was a man and his young daughter. The <CWLMST> hits the second cars windshield and flys off.

The little girls asks, "Daddy what was that?"

Not wanting to expose his daughter to these things at such a young age he replied, "It was a fly honey."

After a few seconds of silence the daughter sid, "Sure had a big <CWLMST> didn't it?"