[smooth]

Originally Posted by ashes@work

lol...obviously from a man...

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa
bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night
with a hot 25-year-old blonde.

"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but
I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. I seems to me that you are not
holding up you side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot
25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be
living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve you mid-life
crises!

good one ash. I wonder which choice he made?

[ashes@work]

dont make me pull out my frying pan mista

[poochee]

Elsewhere, the FDA approved a new morning-after pill that makes men stay for breakfast and call when they say they will.

www.borowitzreport.com

[smooth]

Originally Posted by ashes@work

dont make me pull out my frying pan mista

Yes please.........I mean, Oh no!

[Shamou]

'A study has shown that cell phones have more germs than toilet seats. If it is so, it is because people are overusing the vibrator function of those phones.'
Jay Leno

[GoJoAGoGo]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whisky.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered”, he’s gonna be a Congressman!"

[MorrisAO]

Harvey and Gladys are getting ready for bed. Gladys is standing in
front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know, Harvey ," she comments, "I stare into this mirror and I
see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much
that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped
balloons,and... my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the
Hindenburg!"

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just
one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a
soft, thoughtful voice,
"Well ... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

He never heard the shot.

[help4me]

Originally Posted by franca

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar?

A: A walkie-talkie!

LMAO....I haven't been over here forever...I love this one Frank

[franca]

Originally Posted by help4me

LMAO....I haven't been over here forever...I love this one Frank

Thanks Babe.....

Q: What kind of star is dangerous?

A: A shooting star!

[ashes@work]

sorry for the caps and the > I wasnt going in and retyping it.. but it was worth the read



A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
> > FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
> >
> > HONEY,
> > COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
> > IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
> >
> > HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
> > FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
> > DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
> > GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO.
> >
> > FINE,
> >
> > THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
> > WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
> > IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
> >
> > TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
> > FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
> > DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
> > WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO
> >
> > FINE, SHE SAYS
> > THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
> > TO THE FRONT DOOR?
> > THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.
> >
> > I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
> > WANT TO FIX STEPS.
> > HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
> > ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO.
> > I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
> > I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
> >
> > SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF
> > HOURS....................................
> >
> > HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
> > HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
> > TO GO HOME
> >
> > AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
> > THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
> >
> > AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
> > HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
> >
> > AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
> > THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
> >
> > HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
> > SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
> > OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
> >
> > JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
> > WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
> >
> > HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
> > ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
> > GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
> >
> > HE SAID,
> > SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO...
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

[smooth]

lol Good one ashes

[Couriant]

lol nice one ashes

[ashes@work]

sorry again from an email and im not gonna take > out...

> >>>>>I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits
> >>>>>and
> >>
> >>>>>exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my
> >>>>>age.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking
> >>>>> him,
> >>>> "Do
> >>>>> you think I'll live to be 80?"
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
> >>>>> "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I
> >>>>> said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very
> >>>> unhealthy!"
> >>>>>
> >>>>> "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
> >>>>> sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of
> >>>>> sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a sh it?"

[InfernoReaper]

lol nice

[GoJoAGoGo]

All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and
services, but they didn't think their domain names through! Take note of
their "Domain Names". Some of them are prime candidates for the "What
was I thinking?" award!

1). A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of the
agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:
www.whorepresents.com

2) 'Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can Exchange
advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3). Looking for a pen ???? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:
www.penisland.net

4). Need a 'therapist' ???? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5). Then of course, there's the 'Italian Power Generator Company':
www.powergenitalia.com

6). And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7). If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8 ). Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

9). Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ??? Try their brochure website at:
www.gotahoe.com