There's no such thing as a stupid question, but they're the easiest to answer.
JoinTour
Login
Search
Random Discussion
Tag Cloud
access acer asus bios bsod computer crash desktop driver drivers error ethernet excel freeze gaming hard drive hardware hdmi internet laptop malware memory modem monitor motherboard netgear network printer problem ram registry repair router slow software sound toshiba trojan usb video virus vista wifi windows windows 7 windows 7 32 bit windows 7 64 bit windows xp wireless xbox
Search
Search for:
Tech Support Guy Forums > Community > Random Discussion >
The New Joke / Humor Thread (Mambo No. #5!)

Reply  
Thread Tools
smooth's Avatar
Senior Member with 4,028 posts.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NC, USA
Experience: Learning everyday :)
08-Aug-2006, 01:31 PM #556
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashes@work
lol...obviously from a man...

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa
bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night
with a hot 25-year-old blonde.

"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but
I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. I seems to me that you are not
holding up you side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot
25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be
living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve you mid-life
crises!
good one ash. I wonder which choice he made?
ashes@work's Avatar
ashes@work has a Photo Album
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 22,616 posts.
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: cornfields of Ohio
Experience: Im gonna take my computer
08-Aug-2006, 01:46 PM #557
dont make me pull out my frying pan mista
poochee's Avatar
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 86,675 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: California
Experience: Intermediate
08-Aug-2006, 02:07 PM #558
Elsewhere, the FDA approved a new morning-after pill that makes men stay for breakfast and call when they say they will.

www.borowitzreport.com
smooth's Avatar
Senior Member with 4,028 posts.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NC, USA
Experience: Learning everyday :)
08-Aug-2006, 02:08 PM #559
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashes@work
dont make me pull out my frying pan mista
Yes please.........I mean, Oh no!
Shamou's Avatar
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 9,540 posts.
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Quebec Canada
Experience: Beginner
08-Aug-2006, 03:56 PM #560
'A study has shown that cell phones have more germs than toilet seats. If it is so, it is because people are overusing the vibrator function of those phones.'
Jay Leno
GoJoAGoGo's Avatar
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 43,048 posts.
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Anaheim, CA
Experience: Intermediate
08-Aug-2006, 09:50 PM #561
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whisky.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered”, he’s gonna be a Congressman!"

__________________
"Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow Is A Mystery, But Today
Is A Gift ... That Is Why It Is Called The Present."
~Unknown
MorrisAO's Avatar
Senior Member with 1,512 posts.
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Experience: Back Up My Hard Drive? Ho
09-Aug-2006, 03:18 AM #562
Harvey and Gladys are getting ready for bed. Gladys is standing in
front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know, Harvey ," she comments, "I stare into this mirror and I
see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much
that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped
balloons,and... my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the
Hindenburg!"

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just
one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a
soft, thoughtful voice,
"Well ... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

He never heard the shot.

__________________
Morris
------------------------
Win 7 Home, Intel Duo Core 2.4 ghz per core, 4 Gig RAM, 320 GB HD, ADSL2 @ 10/.8 mbs, Eset Smart Security 4
help4me's Avatar
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 20,330 posts.
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: USA
Experience: Intermediate
09-Aug-2006, 03:45 AM #563
Quote:
Originally Posted by franca
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar?

A: A walkie-talkie!

LMAO....I haven't been over here forever...I love this one Frank

franca's Avatar
Distinguished Member with 28,945 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
09-Aug-2006, 10:21 AM #564
Quote:
Originally Posted by help4me
LMAO....I haven't been over here forever...I love this one Frank


Thanks Babe.....

Q: What kind of star is dangerous?

A: A shooting star!
ashes@work's Avatar
ashes@work has a Photo Album
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 22,616 posts.
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: cornfields of Ohio
Experience: Im gonna take my computer
09-Aug-2006, 10:50 AM #565
sorry for the caps and the > I wasnt going in and retyping it.. but it was worth the read



A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
> > FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
> >
> > HONEY,
> > COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
> > IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
> >
> > HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
> > FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
> > DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
> > GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO.
> >
> > FINE,
> >
> > THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
> > WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
> > IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
> >
> > TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
> > FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
> > DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
> > WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO
> >
> > FINE, SHE SAYS
> > THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
> > TO THE FRONT DOOR?
> > THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.
> >
> > I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
> > WANT TO FIX STEPS.
> > HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
> > ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
> > I DON'T THINK SO.
> > I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
> > I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
> >
> > SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF
> > HOURS....................................
> >
> > HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
> > HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
> > TO GO HOME
> >
> > AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
> > THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
> >
> > AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
> > HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
> >
> > AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
> > THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
> >
> > HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
> > SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
> > OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
> >
> > JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
> > WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
> >
> > HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
> > ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
> > GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
> >
> > HE SAID,
> > SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO...
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
__________________
Happiest mamma ever
smooth's Avatar
Senior Member with 4,028 posts.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NC, USA
Experience: Learning everyday :)
09-Aug-2006, 10:52 AM #566
lol Good one ashes
Couriant's Avatar
Distinguished Member with 27,145 posts.
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Chillin in AZ
Experience: B.S. in M.I.S
09-Aug-2006, 10:54 AM #567
lol nice one ashes
ashes@work's Avatar
ashes@work has a Photo Album
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 22,616 posts.
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: cornfields of Ohio
Experience: Im gonna take my computer
09-Aug-2006, 11:51 AM #568
sorry again from an email and im not gonna take > out...

> >>>>>I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits
> >>>>>and
> >>
> >>>>>exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my
> >>>>>age.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking
> >>>>> him,
> >>>> "Do
> >>>>> you think I'll live to be 80?"
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
> >>>>> "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I
> >>>>> said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very
> >>>> unhealthy!"
> >>>>>
> >>>>> "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
> >>>>> sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of
> >>>>> sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a sh it?"
__________________
Happiest mamma ever
InfernoReaper's Avatar
Computer Specs
Senior Member with 1,323 posts.
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Platte City, MO
Experience: Advanced
09-Aug-2006, 12:41 PM #569
lol nice
GoJoAGoGo's Avatar
Computer Specs
Distinguished Member with 43,048 posts.
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Anaheim, CA
Experience: Intermediate
09-Aug-2006, 10:09 PM #570
All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and
services, but they didn't think their domain names through! Take note of
their "Domain Names". Some of them are prime candidates for the "What
was I thinking?" award!

1). A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of the
agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:
www.whorepresents.com

2) 'Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can Exchange
advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3). Looking for a pen ???? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:
www.penisland.net

4). Need a 'therapist' ???? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5). Then of course, there's the 'Italian Power Generator Company':
www.powergenitalia.com

6). And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7). If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8 ). Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

9). Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ??? Try their brochure website at:
www.gotahoe.com
__________________
"Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow Is A Mystery, But Today
Is A Gift ... That Is Why It Is Called The Present."
~Unknown
Reply

Search Tech Support Guy

Find the solution to your
computer problem!




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
WELCOME TO TECH SUPPORT GUY! Are you looking for the solution to your computer problem? Join our site today to ask your question -- for free! Our site is run completely by volunteers who want to help you solve your computer problems. See our Welcome Guide to get started.
Thread Tools



Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter TechGuy.tv TechGuy.tv Mobile TSG Mobile
You Are Using:
Server ID
Advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service.
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:44 AM.
Copyright © 1996 - 2011 TechGuy, Inc. All rights reserved.

Powered by Cermak Technologies, Inc.