[InfernoReaper]

Originally Posted by JEBWrench

Some of those aren't totally true. Cable television still isn't available everywhere in North America.

True...if you live more than 3 miles from a cable place you cant get it.......

[franca]

Q: Why do geese make lousy drivers?

A: All they do is honk.

[smooth]

Originally Posted by franca

Q: Why do geese make lousy drivers?

A: All they do is honk.

Good one

[Shamou]

Terrorist School

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now. .

No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No Home Depot
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo
No jambalaya
No Beer


Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning
camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

[ymfoster]

Goodmorning Shamou,
I'm off to bed

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by ymfoster

Goodmorning Shamou,
I'm off to bed

...you know that when the end of the world comes... you guys are getting it 12 or so hours ahead of us...

...goodnight Yvonne...

PS.- Thanks for the Bulldogs... love 'em...

[GoJoAGoGo]

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics
to accommodate baby boomers.

They include:

1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver (one of my favorites).

8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

13. Abba--- Denture Queen.

14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

16. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.

[JEBWrench]

LOL Where'd that Franca award go?!? Gojo! I needed that laugh.

[SouthParkXP101]

Don't step on the Ducks !!




Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .. very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.




St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"




This one is really worth passing on. Have a great day!!

[SouthParkXP101]

ahhh man the pics diddnet come up

[Shamou]

That's crazy Gojo... you're improving with age...

GoJoAGoGo...soon to be... YoJoWhere'sMyGlasSo...

[SouthParkXP101]

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the entrance to the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on either side of it.



The boy had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and said quietly, “Good morning Alex.”



“Good morning pastor” the boy replied, still focused on the plaque. Then he asked. “Pastor what is this?”



The pastor said, “Well son, it’s a memorial to all young men and women who died in the service.”



Soberly they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked:



“Which service the 9:00 or 10:30?”

[SouthParkXP101]

A little boy was sitting on the curb

with a gallon of turpentine and
shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.


A little while later a Priest came along

and asked the little boy what he had.


The little boy replied,
"This is the most powerful liquid in the world,
it's called turpentine."

The Priest said,

"No, the most powerful liquid in the world

is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water

and rub it on a pregnant women's belly,

she'll pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied,

"You take some of this here turpentine
and rub it on a cat's *** and he'll pass
a Harley Davidson."

[Shamou]

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights willgo quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse
produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"

[Pistoff]

Here's one for the ladies

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.