[WhitPhil]

http://veryfunnyads.com/index.html?id=24763

http://veryfunnyads.com/ads/24762.html

http://veryfunnyads.com/ads/24745.html

[franca]

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself....

[MorrisAO]

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?"

"Oh, he's a magician," replied Johnny.

"Really? And what's his best trick?"

"His best trick is sawing people in half."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?"

"Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."

[ymfoster]

Fox on a Trampoline


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdPI50E0Zdo

[franca]

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big
"Everything Under One Roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"


The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back in Omaha."


Well, the boss likes the kid and gives him the job. "You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."


His first day on the job is rough, but he gets through it. After the store
is locked up, the boss comes down. "How many customers bought
something from you today?"


The kid says, "One."


The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers
a day. How much was the sale for?"



The kid says, "$101,237.65."


The boss says, "What? $101,237.65? You gotta be pulling my leg.
What the heck did you sell?"


The kid says, "This guy comes in, and first I sold him a small fish
hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger
fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was
going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to
need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin
engine Chris Craft. Then, he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that
4x4 Expedition."


The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"


The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife,
and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing..."

[Hulk701]

Originally Posted by Shamou

...jokes have been so bad lately that I think Hulk went off on a bender and has been heard off since...

Hey Gang,

Well my absence hasn't been intentional I assure you. I downloaded a 'bios blaster" off the internet and it wreikec havoc with my system. I had to go out and get a new motherboard and case..and its still not fixed completely.

I've only been able to stay online for a few minutes at a time and that's why I haven't been here lately. Its better now but still not up to 100%.

Anyway, for those who missed me...thanks!

For those who didn't even know I was gone, wellll

BTW, why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections....

[Hulk701]

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

[Hulk701]

Slat machine for men.....
http://www.vissor.com/interactive/assets/slut.swf

Just click PLAY

I got 400 pts.

[Shamou]

Hello Hulk... nice to see you back buddy... and stay away from the porn so that you don't fry your PC again...

[help4me]

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Hey Gang,

Well my absence hasn't been intentional I assure you. I downloaded a 'bios blaster" off the internet and it wreikec havoc with my system. I had to go out and get a new motherboard and case..and its still not fixed completely.

I've only been able to stay online for a few minutes at a time and that's why I haven't been here lately. Its better now but still not up to 100%.

Anyway, for those who missed me...thanks!

For those who didn't even know I was gone, wellll

BTW, why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections....

Glad you're back

[Greytabby]

My best friend is a blonde and she loves blonde jokes. Recently I sent her this one.

Blonde medical terminology.

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

[franca]

Welcome back hulkster..........

Q: Why do you put bandaids in the fridge?

A: For cold cuts!

[Fidelista]

>f

How to say "I Love You" in 9 languages

English - I Love You
Spanish - Te Amo
French - Je T'aime
German - lch Liebe Dich
Japanese - Ai ****e Imasu
Italian - Ti Amo
Chinese - Wo Ai Ni
Swedish - Jag Alskar
Redneck - Nice butt. Get in the truck.

[bassetman]

Originally Posted by WhitPhil

www.storewars.org ???

Funny!

A blond was in bed with her husband's best friend when the phone rang. After she hung up she told the guy, it was my husband, but he won't be home for awhile, He's playing cards with you!

[bassetman]

Originally Posted by Hulk701

Slat machine for men.....
http://www.vissor.com/interactive/assets/slut.swf

Just click PLAY

I got 400 pts.

I was up to 940 but quit at 870