[Couriant]

Originally Posted by franca

Q: What's a pirate's favorite state?

A: Arrrr-kansas!

What's their second favorite?

Aarrr-izonaaaa.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Tidus4Yuna

What's their second favorite?

Aarrr-izonaaaa.

the critic's review...


arrrr-you'rebothnuts...

[Couriant]

don't forget their favorite south american country... Arrrrgentina.

[smooth]

Not sure if this one has been posted, but heard it in my Econ class today.

A boy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game on Saturday. They are watching the game, and everything goes great. On the way back he asks his girlfriend how she liked it.

"Oh, it was really interesting, but I couldn't figure out why the whole game, the ones on the field were fighting over a quarter" she says.

The boyfriend asks, "What do you mean?"

The blonde replies, "Well, they started the game by flipping a coin, and then the rest of the game, all I heard is "Get the quarter back!""

[Shamou]

What do you call a Japanese pirate...???

aarr-rigato...

[Couriant]

Originally Posted by smooth246

Not sure if this one has been posted, but heard it in my Econ class today.

A boy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game on Saturday. They are watching the game, and everything goes great. On the way back he asks his girlfriend how she liked it.

"Oh, it was really interesting, but I couldn't figure out why the whole game, the ones on the field were fighting over a quarter" she says.

The boyfriend asks, "What do you mean?"

The blonde replies, "Well, they started the game by flipping a coin, and then the rest of the game, all I heard is "Get the quarter back!""

cute. and happy b/day

[smooth]

Originally Posted by Tidus4Yuna

cute. and happy b/day

Thanks and thanks

[bill.aam]

25 Signs That, Sadly, You've Grown up


1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you -- and can't find one.

[lexmarks567]

Official Forum Flame
===================================
Dear:
[x] Clueless Newbie
[x] Loser
[ ] Spammer
[x] 12 year old
[ ] Pervert
[ ] Nerd
[ ] l337 d00d/"vet"
[ ] Other: illegal immigrant

You Are Being Flamed Because
[ ] You posted a Nudity thread (anime or normal).
[ ] You whine like a dog.
[ ] You bumped a thread from the last page.
[ ] You started an off-topic thread.
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message .
[ ] You don't know which forum to post in.
[ ] You posted false information (or lack thereof).
[x] You posted something totally uninteresting.
[ ] You doubleposted.
[ ] You posted a message all written in CAPS (oR aLtErNaTe CaPs).
[ ] You posted a X > Y thread. LAME.
[x] I don't like your tone of voice.

To Repent, You Must:
[x] Give up your AOL Internet account
[x] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[x] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Be my love slave
[x] Apologize to everybody on this forum
[ ] Go stand in the middle of an intersection

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[x] I pity your dog
[x] I think your IQ must be 6
[x] Take your crap somewhere else
[ ] Do us all a favor and jump into some industrial equipment
[ ] Go play Dress-Up Barbie Online™
[ ] All of the above

[lexmarks567]

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted..........

[lexmarks567]

this is a first.No one has any jokes to top mine

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!V

[lexmarks567]

Prayers for Women and Men


Female Prayer
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to, "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
and always be my very best friend.
Amen.

Male Prayer
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with big boobs who owns
a liquor store and a boat.
This doesn't rhyme and
I don't give a crap.
Amen.

[lexmarks567]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While
they
were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband,
"You
can
have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the
Holy
Land,
for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just
have
her
shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife
home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
only
$150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and
three
days
later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[lexmarks567]

Little Johnny and his grandfather are in the yard raking leaves. Little Johnny sees an earthworm crawl out of it's hole. He tells his grandpa, "I bet you I can put that worm back in that hole." His grandpa replies, "I bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp."

Little Johnny runs into the house and comes back with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it's straight and stiff as a board. He then proceeds to push the worm into the hole. So grandpa hands him the five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and goes into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands Johnny another five dollars. Johnny says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars. "Grandpa says, "I know, that's from your Grandma."

[lexmarks567]

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way,how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous".