[franca]

WIFE PUT DOG POO IN CURRY........

“DESPERATE Housewife” Jill Martin laced her husband’s curry with dog poo, a court heard.

Martin, 47, burst out laughing when her hubby began tucking into the meal, the Scottish court was told.

At first she told husband Donald, 49, that she had put arsenic in his food - but then admitted what she had really done.

Her lawyer, Terry Gallanagh, said the case was "like an episode of Desperate Housewives".

The couple had been married for 21 years but the relationship had gone "completely off the rails". Mr Gallanagh claimed his client had endured "mental abuse" for five years and things had reached an all-time low.

Mr Gallanagh added: "At that time, she believed he had started an affair, although those fears turned out to be unfounded." He added MrMartin had started a new business venture but had kept his wife in the dark, much to her annoyance.

Paisley Sheriff Court heard Jill Martin had been drinking on the night she spiked the meal.

She appeared from custody at the court after the incident on March 13.

Yesterday, sentence was deferred for six months after she admitted assault by recklessly concealing faeces in her husband's food.

She also admitted breaching the peace.

Martin is banned from approaching her husband or the matrimonial home in Newton Mearns, Glasgow.

She has moved to live in Bishopbriggs. The couple plan to divorce........

[Blackmirror]

Oh my ribs

[oldie]

The evil that women do

LINK

[Raeli]

Originally Posted by franca

...The couple plan to divorce........

I would hope so!



I really need to learn to cook.

[ACA529]

Originally Posted by franca

WIFE PUT DOG POO IN CURRY........

“DESPERATE Housewife” Jill Martin laced her husband’s curry with dog poo, a court heard.

Martin, 47, burst out laughing when her hubby began tucking into the meal, the Scottish court was told.

At first she told husband Donald, 49, that she had put arsenic in his food - but then admitted what she had really done.

Her lawyer, Terry Gallanagh, said the case was "like an episode of Desperate Housewives".

The couple had been married for 21 years but the relationship had gone "completely off the rails". Mr Gallanagh claimed his client had endured "mental abuse" for five years and things had reached an all-time low.

Mr Gallanagh added: "At that time, she believed he had started an affair, although those fears turned out to be unfounded." He added MrMartin had started a new business venture but had kept his wife in the dark, much to her annoyance.

Paisley Sheriff Court heard Jill Martin had been drinking on the night she spiked the meal.

She appeared from custody at the court after the incident on March 13.

Yesterday, sentence was deferred for six months after she admitted assault by recklessly concealing faeces in her husband's food.

She also admitted breaching the peace.

Martin is banned from approaching her husband or the matrimonial home in Newton Mearns, Glasgow.

She has moved to live in Bishopbriggs. The couple plan to divorce........

ROFLLAMOBBQHAX That's funny!!!!!!

[franca]

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE COUNTY SHERIFF ( ARIZONA ) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER AGAIN

These are some of the reasons why:


Sheriff Joe Arpaio created the "tent city jail" to save Arizona
from spending tens of million of dollars on another expensive prison complex.


He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the
inmates for them. He banned smoking and porno magazines in the jails, and took away their weightlifting equipment and cut off all but "G" movies.


He says: "they're in jail to pay a debt to society not to build muscles
so they can assault innocent people when they leave.
He started chain gangs to use the inmates to do free work on
county and city projects and save taxpayer's money. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for
discrimination.


He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal
court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only allows the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied: "so these morons will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs."


He cut off coffee because it has zero nutritional value and is
therefore a waste of taxpayer money. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."


He also bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on US history
that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture
series that actually tells the truth for a change would be welcome and that it might even explain why 95% of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.


With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116
degrees just set a new record for June 2nd), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed- wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing pink boxer shorts were chatting in the tents, where temperatures reached 128 degrees.


"This is hell. It feels like we live in a furnace," said
Ernesto Gonzales, an inmate for 2 years with 10 more to go. "It's inhumane." Joe Arpaio, who makes his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. "Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for
parole, only to go out and commit more crimes so they can come back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things many taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves."


Wednesday he told all the inmates who were complaining of the
heat in the tents: "It's between 120 to 130 degrees in Iraq and our
soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to walk all day in the sun, wearing full battle gear and get shot at, and they have not committed any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"


Way to go, Sheriff! If all prisons were like yours there would
be a lot less crime and we would not be in the current position of running out of prison spaces.

[franca]

CASE CAT‘S PLANE ADVENTURE

A Canadian cat has inadvertently become a jet-setter after sneaking into a suitcase before her owner flew off for a business trip.

The unexpected journey was all the more special for Ginger as he is not normally allowed outdoors.

Ginger's owner Mary Martell had packed the case and brought it downstairs without closing it fully, allowing the three-year-old cat to jump in.
Advertisement

When Mary arrived at Saint John Airport on Canada's Atlantic coast, baggage scanners spotted the odd shape in the suitcase. However, Mrs Martell convinced security officers it was a coat.

Her suitcase was cleared unopened and loaded onto an Air Canada jet for the two-hour trip to Toronto.

Several hours later, in a hotel in Niagara, Mrs Martell finally unpacked and to her surprise discovered the accidental tourist

[franca]

BEST RESPONSE OF THE YEAR

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do." ?

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: ?"Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win...

[Blackmirror]

My hubby is having pooh pie for tea he forgot our Anniversary

[franca]

Originally Posted by Blackmirror

My hubby is having pooh pie for tea he forgot our Anniversary

oh dear !!!!!!!

[franca]

Dog Swims to Shore, Barks to Summon Help



CARMEL, N.Y.

A 72-year-old man feared for his life after his dog overturned his small boat — but the springer spaniel made up for it by swimming 400 yards to shore to fetch help.

Al Lotrecchiano was fishing on Lake Gilead on Wednesday and had just caught what he said was the largest bass in his life. As he was throwing the fish back in the water, the dog put its paw on the side of the boat, flipping it over.

''My life flashed before me,'' Lotrecchiano recalled Thursday.

Lotrecchiano started swimming to shore but, figuring he'd never make it, quickly returned to his boat and clung to the side. Bucky swam to shore and ran home barking, Carmel Fire Chief Darryl Johnson said.

Lotrecchiano's wife, Dimmy, heard the barking and stepped outside their lake shore home to see what was happening. She then heard her husband's screams for help.

At about the same time, a neighbor called 911 to report a man calling for help from the lake, said Carmel police Lt. Brian Karst.

Lotrecchiano was rescued after about 45 minutes in the water. He was treated for hypothermia at a hospital.

''Thank God the dog did what the dog did,'' Lotrecchiano said.

[franca]

70-Year-Old Ham Back on Display in N.C.

Paul Dombalis, co-owner of Mecca Restaurant in Raleigh, N.C., holds a ham that was on display in front window Tuesday, May 1, 2007. Dombalis' grandfather bought the ham from a farmer who was passing through Raleigh in 1937, then placed it in the window. It's unclear exactly why. Customer complaints eventually prompted Dombalis' father to move the ham to a basement freezer in 1970. It has made sporadic appearances since then, usually after a Mecca regular asked what happened to the pork.

By Associated Press
Updated: 5/4/2007

RALEIGH, N.C.

A 70-year-old slab of blackened pork went on display in a downtown Raleigh restaurant this week in a curious tradition that began in 1937.

The Mecca Restaurant put the rock-hard country ham in its window Tuesday with a sign saying the 25-pound slab of meat would be displayed for only one day, ''for security reasons.'' It was the ham's first appearance in a dozen years.

''It's an ugly thing, isn't it?'' said Paul Dombalis, the restaurant's third-generation owner. ''It's just as ugly as it ever was.''

Dombalis' grandfather bought the ham from a farmer who was passing through Raleigh in 1937, then placed it in the window. It's unclear exactly why, though Mecca became known as ''that restaurant with the ham in the window.''

Customer complaints eventually prompted Dombalis' father to move the ham to a basement freezer in 1970. It has made sporadic appearances since then, usually after a Mecca regular asked what happened to the pork.

''I can't tell you how many people come in and say, 'It's so good to find one thing that hasn't changed,''' said Floye Dombalis, 80, as she rang up customers on an antique cash register.

[franca]

BARBRA SELLS OUT
By Victoria Kennedy 05/05/2007


TICKETS for Barbra Streisand's first UK concert in 13 years sold out in just 20 minutes yesterday - despite the most expensive seats costing £500.

The music legend has now added a second date at London's O2 arena.

The cheapest admission to the gig at the venue, formerly known as the Millennium Dome, is £100.

But fans raced to snap up all the July 18 show tickets when they went on sale at 9am - although they are already being advertised on online auction site eBay.

One seller is asking £2,499 for a pair, with the message: "They are like gold dust." The frenzy has led Streisand to agree to another 02 show on July 22 on her European tour, which takes in Castletown House in Dublin, Vienna, Paris and Nice.

And while her prices may be sky high Streisand, 65, insists she is down to earth and not a diva. Born in poverty in Brooklyn, New York, she said: "My circumstances growing up make me appreciate my life very much now. You are never given anything you haven't worked for - and there is so much wonder for things because you didn't get them before."

[franca]

OAP foils gun raid with lettuce........

A PENSIONER halted a post office robbery — by hitting a shotgun-wielding thug with a LETTUCE.

George Smith, 82, was shopping when a raider walked into the village store in Speldhurst, Kent, and pointed the gun at postmistress Pat Carter.

The man demanded money — but Mr Smith belted him in the face with an iceberg lettuce.

A second hit persuaded the robber to run off.

World War II veteran Mr Smith, of Speldhurst, said: “The best form of defence is attack — so I did. I clobbered him twice.”

Mrs Carter, 52, said: “I was shocked to see someone with a gun — and by how George stopped him.

“Nobody knows how they are going to react — but George took the wind out of his sails.”

Police are linking the attempted robbery to three other incidents, including a raid last month on a fish farm in nearby Hawkhurst.

A young man armed with a shotgun stole £1,000 before escaping on a bicycle. The thug from the post office raid is in his 20s. It is believed he also used a bike to flee.

[oldie]

Violent place these days is old Blighty