[twinofangelize56]

Hi! Hope everyone is well!

The school district where I work had another tragedy on Sunday. This one involved an 18 year old girl that had graduated last year from my building. She had a good sense of humor and was well liked. She had just gotten off from work... it was around 1:00 a.m.... and was on her way home... lost control of her car... hit a tree. She was pronounced dead at the scene.

I didn't know her personally... I dealt with her dad via the telephone on occasion. This was a very nice family from what I've been hearing.

Losing anyone to a car accident is bad enough... but someone so young and vibrant...

[Shadow Bea]

So sad Darlene My heart goes out to her family!

[Gabriel]

Hi All.....so far this holiday week, things are pretty relaxed here. I have been feeding the fire all morning, and have a great bed of coals goin to add the daily log to......

Very mild, sunny and chilly week so far. The fire is so elemental and grounds and sooths me incredibly....the turkey is thawing....

Gene will bake it early tomorrow, and we will take it to a community hall to feed people disenfranchised from family, or lonely for company. This is Genes favorite holday

[eggplant43]

Well, I wish you and Gene the very best, as well as everyone else who drops by

[Shadow Bea]

Originally Posted by eggplant43

Well, I wish you and Gene the very best, as well as everyone else who drops by

Same here and Happy Thanksgiving to you too Bruce!

[Shadow Bea]

Reflecting on the past year...
As the new year approaches I reflect sometimes on the past.. The year of 2007 has been filled with much sadness and loss.. for me personally with the loss of my mother.. and for many of us here.. with the loss of our dear friend Marlene.. My personal battle with cancer has sometimes seemed a loosing one.. not often but sometimes.. I think often about faith, hope, charity.. the blessings I have and the attitudes that gives me strength.. Because I believe that often attitude is a choice.. I think about about how precious life is and about how I don't want to waste any of it.. Negativity is a waste unless you use it to create something positive .. Something I wrote a while ago and still believe is that you can find things to fill the giant hole left in your life when someone you love dies or leaves.. You can find things to keep you on track, you can use the negative energy created by that loss to create positive things in your life.. And all of that is preferable to allowing onesself to sink into the abyss of depression and allowing onesself to go to a place where things are not seen except through that distortion. If you look for your value in the eyes of others .. It will generally fall short. It is something I believe must be built with Gods help from the inside out..Life is a precious gift! I keep saying that don't I We don't usually understand just how precious it is until someone leaves us. or there is a possibility that we may have to leave..When we loose someone.. The things that make life rich seem far away for a time but slowly we heal.. Maybe never completely and we never stop missing and loving that person but we start to see the colors again, find the value again, help others again, and help ourselves again! These are my own beliefs and reflections for the new year..



.

[Blackmirror]

Looking back on 2007
I'm glad to see the back of it in some respects
Lost 2 sons who left home ........


Gained a whole lot of friends online


Good Friends are hard to find and holding on to their friendship even harder

[twinofangelize56]

Originally Posted by Shadow Bea

Reflecting on the past year...
As the new year approaches I reflect sometimes on the past.. The year of 2007 has been filled with much sadness and loss.. for me personally with the loss of my mother.. and for many of us here.. with the loss of our dear friend Marlene.. My personal battle with cancer has sometimes seemed a loosing one.. not often but sometimes.. I think often about faith, hope, charity.. the blessings I have and the attitudes that gives me strength.. Because I believe that often attitude is a choice.. I think about about how precious life is and about how I don't want to waste any of it.. Negativity is a waste unless you use it to create something positive .. Something I wrote a while ago and still believe is that you can find things to fill the giant hole left in your life when someone you love dies or leaves.. You can find things to keep you on track, you can use the negative energy created by that loss to create positive things in your life.. And all of that is preferable to allowing onesself to sink into the abyss of depression and allowing onesself to go to a place where things are not seen except through that distortion. If you look for your value in the eyes of others .. It will generally fall short. It is something I believe must be built with Gods help from the inside out..Life is a precious gift! I keep saying that don't I We don't usually understand just how precious it is until someone leaves us. or there is a possibility that we may have to leave..When we loose someone.. The things that make life rich seem far away for a time but slowly we heal.. Maybe never completely and we never stop missing and loving that person but we start to see the colors again, find the value again, help others again, and help ourselves again! These are my own beliefs and reflections for the new year..



.

Wow, Bea ~ Thank you for writing that!

I look back at 2007 and wonder where half of it went.....

If I don't keep myself busy constantly..... I start to think and dwell and sink and hurt and feel things that I don't want to think about. That is of course losing Marlene....

Your words are so true. Strength has to come from within..... I have had others hold me and hold me up.... but until I take the stance... I will always falter. I still look to others to be there to lean on... a lot still.... but I am getting there.

[jesseem]

Originally Posted by Shadow Bea

Reflecting on the past year...
As the new year approaches I reflect sometimes on the past.. The year of 2007 has been filled with much sadness and loss.. for me personally with the loss of my mother.. and for many of us here.. with the loss of our dear friend Marlene.. My personal battle with cancer has sometimes seemed a loosing one.. not often but sometimes.. I think often about faith, hope, charity.. the blessings I have and the attitudes that gives me strength.. Because I believe that often attitude is a choice.. I think about about how precious life is and about how I don't want to waste any of it.. Negativity is a waste unless you use it to create something positive .. Something I wrote a while ago and still believe is that you can find things to fill the giant hole left in your life when someone you love dies or leaves.. You can find things to keep you on track, you can use the negative energy created by that loss to create positive things in your life.. And all of that is preferable to allowing onesself to sink into the abyss of depression and allowing onesself to go to a place where things are not seen except through that distortion. If you look for your value in the eyes of others .. It will generally fall short. It is something I believe must be built with Gods help from the inside out..Life is a precious gift! I keep saying that don't I We don't usually understand just how precious it is until someone leaves us. or there is a possibility that we may have to leave..When we loose someone.. The things that make life rich seem far away for a time but slowly we heal.. Maybe never completely and we never stop missing and loving that person but we start to see the colors again, find the value again, help others again, and help ourselves again! These are my own beliefs and reflections for the new year..

Ever since 2000 I've been having a bit of a hard time and then the past 4 years have been absolutely horrible. It still hasn't gotten any better. I struggle and climb up 2 steps and fall down 10. I've been hoping and hoping for a miracle for the past 7, make it 8 years now. Everything negative that was said of me by my relatives, I've managed to put most of them to a positive use and achieve what they said and even sometimes I thought was impossible in these past years. So far my prayers and petitions seem to have been put on a long hold. And I just hope and wish that this new year would bring in new hope. Thanks for those lovely thoughts Bea.

[eggplant43]

As I look back on 2007, it has been a very full year for me. I have to start with 2006 which was a great juncture in my life. In 2006 I learned that I had diabetes, high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol, BPH, and cancer. I had the cancer removed from my lower eyelid, removing over half of the eyelid. I sold my business of 27 years, and then sold my house. All of this was aimed at starting a new life In Billings, MT and starting a new family. In retrospect, it was too much, too fast, and I paid a price for the decisions I made.

Once I moved to Billings, I was both physically, and emotionally exhausted, and I wasn't able to contribute to the family in a way that I normally could. As my life continued, I found myself less able to perform physically in the energetic way I had all my life, found myself being both depressed, and frustrated. By March it was apparent things just weren't working out in my situation. So by mutual decision, I left the household, and found myself a new place to live. The romance had ended, but not the friendship.

From day one I continued to stay involved with the family, receiving both their respect, and their support. I spent the first 3 months relaxing/restoring. Doing only what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Some of the recuperation I experienced was gardening therapy, something that has always healed my soul. So this took the months of April, May, and June.

Then on July 14th Marlene died, and my first thoughts were of Will. I determined that I should do something about it, so I began a campaign to organize the energy, and care of Will that I was sure existed at TSG. This decision on my part was not taken lightly. I was sure that it would be a real challenge, that it would take a lot of time, and would require a long term commitment on my part. The next couple of months were devoted to this mission. At that time, I did not realize the debilitating physical impact this commitment would have upon me.

I had a real problem with my cervical spine, had surgery scheduled, and as time progressed I became less and less capable of physical activity, and had to deal with a spiraling increase in pain. Now all of this came as a big surprise to me, as I'd never experienced anything like it in my 64 years. But I was able to soldier on, with much support, and on the 21st of September I had the surgery to correct my problem.

I figured a couple of months, and I'd be as good as new. Wrong!. I've since then learned this is a 6-8 month process, that the longer it has been since the initial injury the longer it takes to heal, and also that the longer the duration of the injury the less likelihood of complete recovery. My first couple of months, post-surgery were about pain, and the control of pain. In addition to this, due to the recovery, I had little energy, and NO stamina. Several weeks ago, I felt there was little progress, I still had at least 80% of the original symptoms, and I was concerned I might not regain my physical abilities, and might have to just accept this as my lot in life. At the same time, I remained hopeful that things would turn out well in the long run.

Since then I have recovered to the point where I have more physical energy than I've had in a couple of years, and I have much of my accustomed stamina back. In addition to this I have been invited to return to the family, and am happy that I'll be able to return on the first of April, once my 1 year lease is completed, or sooner if the landlord will allow me some slack.

Bottom line for me is that despite everything I've described above, I wouldn't change a thing. In this year I have been able to evaluate my life, and decide for me what is really important. I have been able to intervene on Will's behalf in a way that has made a difference in his life, as well as Marlene's family. I have been able to experience the love, trust, and caring of people from around the world. I have seen the true power of the goodness of the Internet is capable of. I have been able to achieve the two main goals of my life each day: to touch someone's life in a meaningful way, and to learn something new.

For me, what life hands me, whether it be positive, or negative forms me, helps me to be a stronger, smarter, more complex individual, and to lead a richer life. For this, I am truly thankful.

[twinofangelize56]

God Bless You, Bruce!

I hope the New Year for you is filled with happiness, health, and love!

[Shadow Bea]

Originally Posted by twinofangelize56

Wow, Bea ~ Thank you for writing that!

I look back at 2007 and wonder where half of it went.....

If I don't keep myself busy constantly..... I start to think and dwell and sink and hurt and feel things that I don't want to think about. That is of course losing Marlene....

Your words are so true. Strength has to come from within..... I have had others hold me and hold me up.... but until I take the stance... I will always falter. I still look to others to be there to lean on... a lot still.... but I am getting there.

I know... I was like that after the death of my son .. I had a job at the time designing furniture which put me into my art zone every day .. I don't know how I would have been able to deal with it otherwise
You have had a lot to deal with in the past few months.. You will get through it little by little.. and little by little the pain that seems to fill your heart will be replaced with all of the good memories you have of Marlene.. and the colors in those memories will become brighter..

Originally Posted by jesseem

Ever since 2000 I've been having a bit of a hard time and then the past 4 years have been absolutely horrible. It still hasn't gotten any better. I struggle and climb up 2 steps and fall down 10. I've been hoping and hoping for a miracle for the past 7, make it 8 years now. Everything negative that was said of me by my relatives, I've managed to put most of them to a positive use and achieve what they said and even sometimes I thought was impossible in these past years. So far my prayers and petitions seem to have been put on a long hold. And I just hope and wish that this new year would bring in new hope. Thanks for those lovely thoughts Bea.

I know to some degree what you are going through Jess I know what it is like to feel that you are loosing ground every time you take a step forward.. I think the trick for me at this time in my life is to treat every little good thing that happens (no matter how insignificant) Like the crown jewel of my day and put it right on top of the pile.. They say in sales.. that when you smile on the phone it comes through in your voice.. perhaps that is true in any case even if everything else is rotten that little crown jewel of time is pleasant and perhaps echoes through your day like the smile on the phone..even if its a little cliche it does work to some degree I think of you often and pray that things get better for you in this coming year

Originally Posted by eggplant43

As I look back on 2007, it has been a very full year for me.

Then on July 14th Marlene died, and my first thoughts were of Will. I determined that I should do something about it, so I began a campaign to organize the energy, and care of Will that I was sure existed at TSG.

Since then I have recovered to the point where I have more physical energy than I've had in a couple of years, and I have much of my accustomed stamina back. In addition to this I have been invited to return to the family, and am happy that I'll be able to return on the first of April, once my 1 year lease is completed, or sooner if the landlord will allow me some slack.

Bottom line for me is that despite everything I've described above, I wouldn't change a thing. In this year I have been able to evaluate my life, and decide for me what is really important. I have been able to intervene on Will's behalf in a way that has made a difference in his life, as well as Marlene's family. I have been able to experience the love, trust, and caring of people from around the world. I have seen the true power of the goodness of the Internet is capable of. I have been able to achieve the two main goals of my life each day: to touch someone's life in a meaningful way, and to learn something new.

For me, what life hands me, whether it be positive, or negative forms me, helps me to be a stronger, smarter, more complex individual, and to lead a richer life. For this, I am truly thankful.

God bless you Bruce.. I think what makes you the exceptional human being that you are .. Is your continuing to give back in spite of your own problems.. I am so happy that you will be returning to the family.. You richly deserve all of the blessings that life has to offer.. I feel privileged to call you friend and have from day one. *hugs***


.

[eggplant43]

Thanks folks, I honestly feel this is not about me, but about us, and our ability to go forward in a world that is not always easy, not always fun, and definitely is challenging from day one. I share my life, and it's impact upon me in the hope that my story, from my heart, will be of some use to others.

Bea, for me, you are a favorite sister. We have shared so much over the years. You are simply an important part of my life.

[Shadow Bea]

Originally Posted by eggplant43

Thanks folks, I honestly feel this is not about me, but about us, and our ability to go forward in a world that is not always easy, not always fun, and definitely is challenging from day one. I share my life, and it's impact upon me in the hope that my story, from my heart, will be of some use to others.

Bea, for me, you are a favorite sister. We have shared so much over the years. You are simply an important part of my life.

I too believe that we are all connected and that everything we do has some effect on everyone..

And believe me Bro the feeling is mutual!!

.

[jesseem]

Originally Posted by Shadow Bea

I know to some degree what you are going through Jess I know what it is like to feel that you are loosing ground every time you take a step forward.. I think the trick for me at this time in my life is to treat every little good thing that happens (no matter how insignificant) Like the crown jewel of my day and put it right on top of the pile.. They say in sales.. that when you smile on the phone it comes through in your voice.. perhaps that is true in any case even if everything else is rotten that little crown jewel of time is pleasant and perhaps echoes through your day like the smile on the phone..even if its a little cliche it does work to some degree I think of you often and pray that things get better for you in this coming year

What a coincidence. I do that every time. The smallest, silliest little good thing that happens to me makes my whole day wonderful even if I have to go through other hurdles. My problems might pale in comparison to what others are going through. But still it's a pain to go through and I've been successfully wading through it for so long. Which becomes difficult when you have no support system and you feel all alone, almost like an orphan, and the support system that's supposed to be there does nothing but taunt you, torment you and pull you down every chance they get. It just makes me ever so grateful to have such wonderful friends here who've given me the strength and courage and have inspired me to keep going.

I just wish all of this nonsense would come to an end and I would for once catch a lucky break. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers Bea. I hope and pray everything goes wonderfully for you this coming New Year.