[valley]

Originally Posted by Steppinstone

On her last day of work I am approached by another co worker, who told me that another co worker was in tears, being a concerned team leader I of course ask what was going on only to be told that the friend mentioned above, told crying co-worker to watch her back as I ( meaning me) always run to the boss and tell on people for any petty thing that goes down.. Later former co worker calls me and being friends I flat out asked her about it and she of course denied it and I don't believe her, not one bit.. She has done this kinda of garbage before and acts innocent everytime.. I am hurt, not really by the actions of what she did but by the fact that I had over looked this quality in a person and fell victim to her game. That I had befriended someone and it bit me hard in the back side. Lesson learned!!

I hope you dont let this incident destroy your trust in people Chari. People like that prey on those who are trusting. Maybe it made her feel more powerful to cut you down to others. Who knows..I think some people who have issues of self-worth are prone to try and step on other people so that they can prove to themselves that they are really better than the person they are cutting down. Dont blame yourself for not seeing the signs. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

And if that isn't enough, I have been dealing with my bestfriend who is a total mess because she is still living with her cheating husband, whom she wants to leave but is scared of what life in the future will hold. I really want to grab her and say wake up, the fool is taking you down the highway to hell and when all is said and done you will not even have a pot to pee in. He has been cheating for years and you have sooooooo much more to offer someone, lay off the pain pills, your not thinking straight any more and he is going to use that against you in the long run, Wake up before this man makes you so crazy and uses the pain pill excuse to get full custody of your son. Everything is in his name and he hasn't paid any bills including the house note in months and your about to be homeless, wake up my friend, wake up! I wish I could fix it for her but these are the things in life that only the person going through them can overcome, just hope by the time she takes action it won't be too late.

man...remember when we used to laugh over how much we had in common? My sister is in a similar situation only she is married (and she doesnt take drugs or drink, thank God). She pays for the mortgage and all the bills and he just takes and takes and gets drunk then calls her names and slaps her around.

He scares me to death. I've gone 2 rounds with him..one in person and once on the phone. Thankfully Carl was with me years ago (before kids) when he came after me for trying to help her. The other time, I just hung up on him...but in hanging up, I knew he'd go into an even bigger rage and my sister was going to get the brunt of it. I wish I could make her snap out of it but after 20+ years of abuse, she doesnt seem emotionally capable of taking any steps to improve her situation. Apart from her home life, you'd never know she had any problems though. Its weird. She is just kinda waiting for him to die of his alcoholism so she can move on. It makes me sad. Why cant she just leave like she wants to? She acts so defeated when it comes to him. Dont know why but she still smiles for people and can be happy go lucky. She comes and watches Luke for me when I go to the gym a few times a week. She gets down and plays like a kid and he loves her to pieces and she's very good with him. I just wish she could find happiness in her own life somehow. It just seems like such a waste of her precious life, ya know?

well...its clear that i'm going to talk about her no matter how much I am afraid to, lol. I'm just glad to see someone who might understand the frustration of watching someone you love self-destruct.

Thanks for sharing what you did, Chari. I hope and pray that both your friend and my sister find the courage and the self-worth to realize that they dont have to live the way that they do. *hugs*

[valley]

Originally Posted by eggplant43

The above being said, I don't think it must necessarily be done in a public forum, and think that in some cases it can actually be counterproductive to do so.

A big part of my motivation for exposing my very private hell in a public way was the hope that it might help someone else in some small way. I've heard from others since then that it did.

I always think that that kind of grief needs to be shared, Bruce. I've seen people who have become so bitter and angry over the things beyond their control, especially when they bottle it up and wont talk to others about it. I agree that talking doesnt always have to be a public thing but it definitely has to be done, no matter how much it hurts to do so.

[valley]

Originally Posted by twinofangelize56

Hi, Val ~ I live across from a 100 acre farm. He raises dozens of chickens and occasionally turkeys. It's amazing how many people drive by his place and dump off cats and kittens! My cat is actually one of the abandoned kittens! He sort of started crossing the street to get to us.... soft hearts and young kids.... about 12 years ago... when he was just an itty bitty thing... so sweet. And so sickly come to find out! I was holding him the first day that we met and he had the runs right on my shoulder! Yuck!!! Hence.... Sarah named him Squirt!

Thats funny.

Your stepfather is doing the right thing with the cats and if I were a Vet in his area.. you can bet I'd take care of him far better than what is going on now cost wise!

I certainly hope they catch that sick cat soon! It shouldn't have to suffer like that! Even if it can't be saved.. it may be merciful just to put it to sleep.

Thanks, i hope they catch it soon too.

My cat used to be allowed in and out of doors, but about 4 years ago or so he became indoor only. He was born with a heart murmur and since he was getting older, I thought it wise to keep him in now. At first he missed the outside.... he'd cry at the door... that lasted quite awhile... but now he sits in the window and looks out when he wants to... sometimes napping... sometimes cleaning...

He has our dog.. Brandy... to play with and keep him company! We adopted her 4 years ago. She's a Husky/Collie mix. Beautiful and well-behaved. They are a blast to watch when they get in the mood to be playful together!!!!

It nice that you can do that. I wanted to make my kitty an indoor cat but the hubby said no way. There are so many mice around so he wants her to hunt them.

[valley]

Originally Posted by LauraMJ

You were closer than you thought with that description, lol. Did you notice that Val actually thought it was a real Veggie Tale? That's because what you wrote could actually have BEEN a real Veggie Tale!

yep, I thought he was talking about Bob the tomato.

Hi Guy!

Val, have you heard the "I ain't got no belly button" song?

nope. I lost track of the VeggieTales once Em and Jake got too old for them so I remember the old ones. But Luke is just getting to that age to enjoy them so I will probably start getting some of their newer videos. Right now, Luke is a total Wiggles freak.

And, just to stay on topic with this thread, I would like everyone to keep our family in mind for the next several months........my 11 year old daughter is undergoing a long series of tests on her endocrine system right now. So far, her Thyroid is abnormally low, and her ACTH levels are very high, but the cortisol levels are normal (they are usually high when the ACTH is), so something is wrong with the pituitary gland, too, but they don't know what, her insulin levels are high, she is pre-diabetic, but they are hoping that will resolve when they find out what is causing all this and get her system stablized........

Next week we will go have a nuclear scan done on her thyroid, and an ultrasound on the thyroid, and then an MRI on the pituitary, plus there will be many more tests to come.

It's stressful on all of us, but especially her cause she's always been EXTREMELY healthy, even when the rest of us were sick, she wouldn't catch it, so this is something she is very much NOT accustomed to.

I'll be praying for her Laura. Its hard watching your kids go through serious medical issues. It must be hard for her to cope with all of the poking and prodding that must be done. Plus...the fear of not knowing must drain you all. At least they are dealing with it now while she's young. Hopefully they can find out whats wrong quickly and get it taken care of. Keep us posted, girlie. *hugs*

[valley]

Originally Posted by twinofangelize56

Right now both pets are sleeping. Not like they don't do a lot of that anyway!!!!

oh the life of a cat! I wish I were one!

[franca]

Originally Posted by valley

oh the life of a cat! I wish I were one!

I can see you now val....

[Wiskycoo]

LOL! That's one big cat!

Morning girls...and I would imagine a few fella's too.

[valley]

Originally Posted by franca

I can see you now val....

If you switch that beer to a coffee, swap the remote control for a book and get the paw of of its privates, then sure...I could be that cat!

[Shadow Bea]

Hi all this is just quick visit .. I'm pretty busy with tests again this week.. and this afternoon I have to nap.. I'll try to catch up over the weekend..
Laura I'm sorry your daughter is going through all that.. I'll include her in my prayers

Chari.. *HUGS*

Originally Posted by valley

well...its clear that i'm going to talk about her no matter how much I am afraid to, lol. I'm just glad to see someone who might understand the frustration of watching someone you love self-destruct.

Thanks for sharing what you did, Chair. I hope and pray that both your friend and my sister find the courage and the self-worth to realize that they dont have to live the way that they do. *hugs*

Very Well put!

Now I have to rest...
Hi Guy, Frank, Bruce, Elsa and everyone else I'll answer when I can

[Guyzer]

Hi Bea.....
Sounds like you are a little pooped so I suggest you curl up with whatshisname so he can keep you warm whilst you rest. Take care of yourself before you worry about a reply k.....

[eggplant43]

Being a person who has survived an abusive relationship, I can relate. First, I'd like to applaud you Val for stepping forward with something that is very important to you, and something that is very difficult for you, it says a lot about who you are. It also represents a vote of confidence in TSG, and those of us who gather here.

I was married to Deanna for 17 years, I was well regarded in the community, and received lots of compliments within the community. Despite this, I could come home, and she could take it all away within 10 minutes, and make me confused, and feeling crazy. Now I took our marriage very seriously, and always hoped that if I showed her enough love, she would eventually become the happy person I knew she deserved to be.

Finally, after 17 years of this, I realized that if I were ever to have any hope for happiness in my life, that I was going to have to leave the marriage. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. After much pain, introspection, and thought, I came to the conclusion that I had placed myself in this relationship, and the stayed in it because of my lack of self-esteem, my own self-loathing, and the belief that I didn't deserve anyone better than this in my life.

I share this because I suspect there is a similar process going on with your sister. If I am right, then nothing changes until she decides that she wants/deserves something else for herself. For Many people in this situation, this is what they expect, they know how to respond, are comfortable with the predictability of the situation, and will cling to it, rather than taking a chance on the unknown.

The other thing I learned is that the issue with the abuser is their fear, and fear of not being in control. All the behaviors are an attempt on the part of the abuser to avoid these feelings of fear. Many times, when you finally decide to take control, they crumble.

[jesseem]

Good topic. Reading up on stuff being said. Will post when I garner enough courage. I've already done quite a bit of ranting and raving in other threads. And that has really helped me a lot. Just to know that people listen is enough of a morale booster imo.

[valley]

Originally Posted by eggplant43

Being a person who has survived an abusive relationship, I can relate. First, I'd like to applaud you Val for stepping forward with something that is very important to you, and something that is very difficult for you, it says a lot about who you are. It also represents a vote of confidence in TSG, and those of us who gather here.

thanks Bruce. It really does help to see people who understand.

I was married to Deanna for 17 years...

Finally, after 17 years of this, I realized that if I were ever to have any hope for happiness in my life, that I was going to have to leave the marriage. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. After much pain, introspection, and thought, I came to the conclusion that I had placed myself in this relationship, and the stayed in it because of my lack of self-esteem, my own self-loathing, and the belief that I didn't deserve anyone better than this in my life.

I share this because I suspect there is a similar process going on with your sister. If I am right, then nothing changes until she decides that she wants/deserves something else for herself. For Many people in this situation, this is what they expect, they know how to respond, are comfortable with the predictability of the situation, and will cling to it, rather than taking a chance on the unknown.

yes, that kinda sounds like what my sister might be feeling. I dont know how else to explain why she continues to stay when I know she dreams of getting out of there.

I'm sorry that you had to go through so many rocky years like that with your wife. Thats such a long time to have someone you love trying to tear you down. Its really hard to understand how a person who loves you could even treat you that way but I know that some do. Its so sad and ugly...I wonder if thats why people dont talk about it publicly.

when you finally decide to take control, they crumble.

Thats what scares me....

[Gabriel]

I am having many obstacles at the moment......but also many things are moving along well.
Right now I am overrun with my work, doctors appointments and an 8 hour class on Wednesday that requires another 8 hours of work during the week. I am a little overwhelmed.

[valley]

Hope you can catch up with everything soon Gabriel. That does sound like a pretty heavy workload! Try not to let yourself get too run down.