[twinofangelize56]

You Might Be Floridian if...


"Down South" means Key West.

"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

You think no one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.

No, wait -- flip-flops are good for church, too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.

Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.

You measure distance in minutes.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

It's not soda, cola, or pop -- it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor: "What kinda coke you want?"

Anything under 95 is just warm.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon and know when to get on the best rides.

You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, and Withlacoochee.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.

Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, and a confederate flag.

You were eight years old before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You get angry when people say, "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH."

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!

You recognize Miami-Dade as "Northern Cuba." The south ends in the Ocala/Gainesville area, and then North Cuba begins.

[smooth]

Scientists found in a study that having children is hereditary.

Chances are if your parents didn't have children, neither will you

[lexmarks567]

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[ashes@work]

hahaha


A biker walks into an old run down bar after hours of traveling. Looking at a sign hung on the wall

cheeseburger $1.50
Hot Dog $1.00
Handjob $10.00

He looks to the 3 blondes in the corner and motions one over.

Asking "Are you the waitress that gives the hand jobs"

eagerly she says "yes"

Biker looks at her and says " go wash your hands and get me a cheese burger"

[lexmarks567]

My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
John

P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

[franca]

A man was driving down the road, and was pulled over by a police office.
The office said, "you're drunk."
The driver said, "thank god for that, I thought the steering had gone."

[lexmarks567]

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

Then when he went to harness the Reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas Tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you, Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas Tree

[lexmarks567]

There was a man who wanted to find the perfect gift for his wife. He went to the store and asked the salesclerk and asked him what he should get his wife. The salesclerk brought out a parrot. The salesclerk said, this is no ordinary parrot, if you light a match under it's right foot, it plays Silent Night, if you light a match under it's left foot, it plays Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The salesclerk made sure to tell him that the name of the parrot is Chet.

The man thought it would be great, so he took it home. He let his wife open it early, since it was a living thing. He told her what great songs it played. They wondered what it would play if they lit a match under it's crotch. So, they did. The parrot sang "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

[CrazyComputerMan]

Originally Posted by lexmarks567

There was a man who wanted to find the perfect gift for his wife. He went to the store and asked the salesclerk and asked him what he should get his wife. The salesclerk brought out a parrot. The salesclerk said, this is no ordinary parrot, if you light a match under it's right foot, it plays Silent Night, if you light a match under it's left foot, it plays Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The salesclerk made sure to tell him that the name of the parrot is Chet.

The man thought it would be great, so he took it home. He let his wife open it early, since it was a living thing. He told her what great songs it played. They wondered what it would play if they lit a match under it's crotch. So, they did. The parrot sang "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

LMAO!!!

[CrazyComputerMan]

Originally Posted by CrazyComputerMan

LMAO!!!

http://lolinator.com/lol/techguy.org/

[Farmgirl22]

Originally Posted by CrazyComputerMan

http://lolinator.com/lol/techguy.org/

I don't get it CCM....

[CrazyComputerMan]

Different Techguy page... Using cool english.... I'll sure people can get it

[EdtheRed]

A font walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out, we don't serve your type in here!"

[CrazyComputerMan]

Originally Posted by EdtheRed

A font walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out, we don't serve your type in here!"

Aww! That was cruel!

[Vaeltaja]

Why are pirates always happy?

Because they Aaaaaaaarrrhhh