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poochee's Avatar
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Location: California
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28-Jun-2012, 03:37 PM #1111
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HOBOcs   (Jim) HOBOcs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Markham ON Canada
28-Jun-2012, 09:06 PM #1112
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:
"pour some luke warm water over it."

Wife texts back:
"computer completely f***ed now."
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
29-Jun-2012, 10:18 AM #1113
Quote:
Originally Posted by HOBOcs View Post
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:
"pour some luke warm water over it."

Wife texts back:
"computer completely f***ed now."
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
30-Jun-2012, 10:21 AM #1114
On safari...
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
poochee's Avatar
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30-Jun-2012, 12:20 PM #1115
Quote:
Originally Posted by franca View Post
On safari...
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
01-Jul-2012, 08:44 AM #1116
A Birthday Wish
Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."

Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."

"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.
poochee's Avatar
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01-Jul-2012, 12:07 PM #1117
Quote:
Originally Posted by franca View Post
A Birthday Wish
Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."

Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."

"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
02-Jul-2012, 10:40 AM #1118
Man on the ladies tee...
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the Men's Tee, please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S Tee kindly back up to the Men's Tee."
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?!"
poochee's Avatar
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02-Jul-2012, 12:40 PM #1119
s
franca's Avatar
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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02-Jul-2012, 03:01 PM #1120
drinking and driving

I know this topic isn’t supposed to be funny but this was too good to not share.

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well that I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough, I passed a Police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
poochee's Avatar
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Member with 108,782 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
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02-Jul-2012, 03:34 PM #1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by franca View Post
drinking and driving

I know this topic isnít supposed to be funny but this was too good to not share.

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well that I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough, I passed a Police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
02-Jul-2012, 11:16 PM #1122
A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car...
Who is driving the car?
A police officer!
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
03-Jul-2012, 09:07 AM #1123
A few years in the desert...
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.
The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.
The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.
Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
poochee's Avatar
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03-Jul-2012, 12:52 PM #1124
Jokes.
franca's Avatar
Member with 35,238 posts.
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver British Columbia
04-Jul-2012, 10:25 AM #1125
I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology.
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