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oldie

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Sep 28, 2003
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4,901
Subject: International Security Status

In view of the recent bombings in London we feel that the security level should be raised from “miffed” to “peeved”. Soon it may be necessary to raise the level again to “irritated” or even “a bit cross”.

Londoners have not been “a bit cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies almost ran out. Terrorists have been recategorized from “tiresome” to “a bloody nuisance”….. the last time a “bloody nuisance” warning level was issued was during the Great Fire of London.

Be aware that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender or Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It is not only France that is on a heightened level of alert. The Italians have increased their alert level from “shout loudly and excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain – “ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert status from “disdainful arrogance” to “dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels – “invade a neighbour” and “lose again”.

Following this reaction in Continental Europe, the Americans have gone from “lets stay isolated” to “find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe for a regime change”. Their remaining higher alert levels are “attack the world” and “get the British to help”.

Finally, here in Middle England we have gone from “pretend nothing’s happening” to “make another cup of tea”. Our higher levels are “remain cheerful” and “if in doubt – vote for Tony Blair”!

 
Joined
Apr 2, 2002
Messages
5,945
The word 'don't' should be inserted before 'vote for Tony Blair', otherwise the statement reads well, though I'm somewhat surprised that no insults were available for the Irish or Spanish!
 

bassetman

Moderator (deceased) - Gone but never forgotten
Joined
Jun 7, 2001
Messages
47,973
oldie said:
Subject: International Security Status

In view of the recent bombings in London we feel that the security level should be raised from “miffed” to “peeved”. Soon it may be necessary to raise the level again to “irritated” or even “a bit cross”.

Londoners have not been “a bit cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies almost ran out. Terrorists have been recategorized from “tiresome” to “a bloody nuisance”….. the last time a “bloody nuisance” warning level was issued was during the Great Fire of London.

Be aware that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender or Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It is not only France that is on a heightened level of alert. The Italians have increased their alert level from “shout loudly and excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain – “ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert status from “disdainful arrogance” to “dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels – “invade a neighbour” and “lose again”.

Following this reaction in Continental Europe, the Americans have gone from “lets stay isolated” to “find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe for a regime change”. Their remaining higher alert levels are “attack the world” and “get the British to help”.

Finally, here in Middle England we have gone from “pretend nothing’s happening” to “make another cup of tea”. Our higher levels are “remain cheerful” and “if in doubt – vote for Tony Blair”!


Very funny, that! :D

Cheers!
 
Joined
Jun 12, 2005
Messages
3,770
Lmao good one oldie!(y) (y) (y) I particularly liked the following tidbit it was hilarious!

Be aware that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender or Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.
 

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