guy trouble

stigal

Thread Starter
Joined
Feb 11, 2003
Messages
10
I'll start with the story. I separated from my husband and started dating a guy in Spetember 2002. He was still married but his wife had taken his son and moved out of state in July 2002 (wanted to be closer to her family). My divorce was final on April 1, 2003. He says he loves me and we get along great. He is having some hard financial times, but he hasn't made any effort to get a divorce. He swears the only reason is because of the money. (he went to see his son a month ago and spent the money he has saved up. he hadn't seen him in 6 months). Now here is where I need advice. Do I stay with him, give him a time limit on his divorce, or leave him? I love him and his family, I just have this hang up over the divorce! I don't feel like we can move forward with our relationship if he is still married. He is great with my kids and family, I just don't want to be the "other woman" forever! Please help! I need an unbiased opinion! Thanks!
 
Joined
Aug 5, 2002
Messages
2,246
i would listen to what your heart says because my brain says to leave him. and i am just an young idiot guy. but you can trust what you feel in your heart.
 
Joined
Feb 27, 2003
Messages
32,916
To much baggage..........run like the wind.........but what the hell do I know.........im single!!
 
Joined
Jul 26, 2003
Messages
2,431
hi stigal...

this is what I think...

ask him to figure out how much money he believes a divorce will cost him (initially and from child support). Consult a lawyer if you need to.

then sit down with a financial planner and figure out how to manage that.

if he really believes in your relationship.... then he will do what is necessary to work towards building your relationship responsibly.


otherwise.... :rolleyes:


I hope this is helpful to you :)
:) k
(good luck :) )
 
Joined
Jul 22, 2001
Messages
12,427
Well, he actually kind of blew it. Now that the child has resided in another state for more then six months that state will determine issues of child custody and support. Further, that state most likely will also determine issues of alimony. Since he's not a hometown boy guess who runs a high risk of getting hosed. That said, the cost of the divorce is negligible, he should already be paying child support. If he isn't the Court will start the clock running as soon as one or the other files for custody and/or divorce. He will have to pay the back support over a period of time.

If his sole reason is the cost of divorce there is a problem. I don't think he has come to terms with his marriage ending.
 

bassetman

Moderator (deceased) - Gone but never forgotten
Joined
Jun 7, 2001
Messages
47,973
I have been both married and single (happily single now). I figure if they say they WILL get a divorce, but don't file, run like hell!
You are both in a rebound situation, and FWIW they have a low success rate. :(

Good Luck
 
Joined
Sep 11, 2000
Messages
10,673
1.)Actions speak louder than words.

2.)Don't ask anything of him that you wouldn't do yourself. If you were in his shoes, and you would get a divorce, then he should too!

3.)The longer you take to make a decision, the harder it will be.

4.)You can't marry him until he gets a divorce. He knows this. If you're not going to get married, then how long do you plan to stay with him?

5.)You should both support your relationship ALL of the time, and not just when it's convenient. If you are, and he isn't, then make adjustments, not excuses.

6.)Have you talked with his wife? Do you know the truth about why they aren't together, or just his version of it?

7.)Most importantly, I think you already know what the right thing is to do. In your own words "he hasn't made any effort to get a divorce". See number 1

8.)Good luck and God bless.
 

stigal

Thread Starter
Joined
Feb 11, 2003
Messages
10
Thanks everyone. I have to be quick but I will post more questions later! I have a couple more!
 

angelize56

Always remembered in our hearts
Joined
Apr 17, 2002
Messages
82,163
stigal: I've been in an almost identical position and my advice is to find someone else. In the first place he is on the rebound and those relationships rarely work out. If he starts making other excuses such as "wait until my son is older", "wait until the divorce is final", "wait until I can save up some money for us to be together", etc.....RUN...don't walk away! And the fact it's already been a year....red flag! You yourself are newly divorced and this is your rebound relationship too. A man saying "I love you" doesn't mean much when there is inaction on his part. Think with your head, not your heart! Good luck. Take care. angel
 

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