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Humor in aviation.

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by Mklangelo, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. Mklangelo

    Mklangelo Banned Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Messages:
    426
    Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college
    * degree to fly a
    * > plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for
    * those of
    * > us who fly routinely in our jobs.
    * >
    * > After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
    * > sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
    * > mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
    * > and then pilots review
    * the
    * > gripe sheets before the next flight.
    * >
    * > Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
    * humor. Here are
    * > some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
    * pilots (marked
    *
    * > with
    * >
    * > a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
    * > engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
    * never,
    * > ver, had an accident.
    * >
    * > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    * >
    * > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    * > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    * >
    * > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    * > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    * >
    * > P: Something loose in cockpit.
    * > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    * >
    * > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    * > S: Live bugs on back-order.
    * >
    * > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    * > descent.
    * > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    * >
    * > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    * > S: Evidence removed.
    * >
    * > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    * > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    * >
    * > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    * > S: That's what friction locks are for.
    * >
    * > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    * > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    * >
    * > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    * > S: Suspect you're right.
    * >
    * > P: Number 3 engine missing.
    * > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    * >
    * > P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    * > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    * >
    * > P: Target radar hums.
    * > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    * >
    * > P: Mouse in cockpit.
    * > S: Cat installed.
    * >
    * > And the best one for last..................
    * >
    * > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
    * > pounding on something with a hammer.
    * > S: Took hammer away from midget !
     
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