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Job offer :)

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by valley, Jan 11, 2003.

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  1. valley

    valley Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2002
    Messages:
    19,134
    POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother, Mommy

    JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
    shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

    RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life;
    Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

    Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

    Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
    mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

    BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no
    tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
     
  2. Rhettman5.1

    Rhettman5.1

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,592
    Under benifits you forgot "Can work from home !"
    ;)
     
  3. valley

    valley Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2002
    Messages:
    19,134
    so true. :) Plus we dont have to worry about going out and buying a bunch of fancy clothes for the office. We can live in our 2 pair of sweats......lime green and dayglo orange, of course. :D
     
  4. Rhettman5.1

    Rhettman5.1

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,592
    unless your 40# overweight, then it's mandatory to trade in the sweats for spandex !! :eek: :(
     
  5. valley

    valley Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2002
    Messages:
    19,134
    been there done that.....6 years and 60 pounds ago. Trust me......sweats are the most comfy. :)
     
  6. hewee

    hewee

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2001
    Messages:
    57,793
    That's my mom :D
     
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