Kate Blanchett, a bucket, and me


Thread Starter
Nov 2, 2004
I'm in a public toilet, I gotta go. It's my worst nightmare. The toilet is in a stall with no door, next to a picture window, with no lock on the door to the street. I have no choice, I have to go. As I am doing my business, in walks Jim Carey and Kate Blanchett. They proceed to the back of the room where there are two high walled stalls with doors. I am thinking, "damn, I could have been in a stall with doors". They quickly return and Jim Carey says to me,"would you give up your stall for a lady?". Well I am at a point of no return, so I do not answer. Jim Carey then runs from the room, while Kate Blanchett drops her drawers and sits with her back to me on a bench, ready to back in at the first opportunity. Then Jim Carey runs back into the room and says, "Man I will give you fifty bucks for the stall". I answer "I don't want your money", and just finishing I exit the stall. Kate Blanchett then runs into the stall, and back out again, then into the stall and back out again. I ask her "what is wrong?" Then it hits me. I say "Oh, you are claustophobic aren't you. Well we could set an empty five gallon grease bucket behind the barn". Kate's face brightens, and she smiles. We exit the room together.

Now we are in are in the barn lot down at my mom's house, looking for an empty five gallon grease bucket in all the usual places. There are none to be found. I explain to Kate Blanchett that the newer larger equipment has a lot of sealed bearings, and that anyway we buy grease mostly in ready to use cartidges these days, so we haven't bought grease in five gallon buckets for quite some time. Then there is a guy driving a loader tractor with an empty five gallon grease bucket inverted over the exhaust stack. I stop him and ask him if I can have his bucket. He answers "no, you can't".

So Kate Blanchett and I set off on a quest to find an empty five gallon grease bucket. We are hiking through the woods. Then we are canoeing down the current river, stopping at each house we see along the way to search them for empty five gallon grease buckets. Finally we stop at an old abandoned mill and there we find a bucket. It is not an empty five gallon grease bucket, more like a plastic mop bucket, but it will have to do.

Kate Blachett drops her drawers and proceeds with her business. I stand there with my back to her holding a garden hose. I say "I've got your bidet whenever you're ready". Directly she says "OK", and I turn and hand her the hose. As I stand there staring at her, she says "I know what it is you saw".

The next thing I know, we're lying side by side on a blanket in front of a roaring fire in the woods. Kate's head is on my shoulder. I'm falling in love. Kate then begins to tell me about her fiance'. I think "eh, figures!" Then I wake up.

Weird! What does it mean? I haven't thought of Kate Blancett since I watched Lord of the Rings. What's with Jim Carey? The guy gets on my nerves.

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