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King Arthur

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by brindle, Sep 11, 2003.

  1. brindle

    brindle Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2002
    Messages:
    3,520
    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness.

    So he offered him freedom, as long he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question was: 'What do women really want?" Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

    Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princesses, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises etc. He had never run across such a repugnant creature.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

    Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: "What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life."

    Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighbouring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

    What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.

    The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited!

    The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

    Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question!
    Gawain began to think of his predicament- during the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch?

    Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do?\

    What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read on until you've made your own choice.








    Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.
    What is the moral of this story?
    The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly. Underneath it all, she's still a witch - and don't you forget it.
    "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
    .
     
  2. brindle

    brindle Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2002
    Messages:
    3,520
    EMBARRASSING FIRST DATE
    This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays... This was on
    the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the
    most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described
    her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to
    why her tale took the prize!
    Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had
    taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight).
    No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met
    before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were
    headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the
    mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have
    had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a
    rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try
    to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the
    heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he
    had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the
    front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside
    the car, yanked her pants down and started.
    Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let
    her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion
    stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real
    gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the
    relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
    Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As
    she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
    were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen
    to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage
    her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a
    brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and
    yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was
    taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off
    and needed some assistance"!
    He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater
    and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
    laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
    compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical
    as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both
    agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the
    grip of the icy metal!
    Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
    place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free
    so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip
    his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
    As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps
    that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was
    embarrassing...
    A whole new definition of being "pissed off ".


    Delta 1234, Check Intercom...
    >
    >The jumbo jet is just coming into Person Airport (Toronto) on its final
    approach. The pilotcomes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson. We're on
    our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today,
    and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto."
    >
    >He forgets to switch off the intercom. The copilot says'"watcha gonna do in
    Toronto?"
    >
    >Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well,"
    says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a healthy crap.
    Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know the one with
    the huge breasts. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room, and
    screw her silly."
    >
    >Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's
    so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the
    cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old
    lady's bag and down she goes.
    >
    >The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run, dear, he's gotta take a
    **** first."
     
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