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my girlfriend seems less interested, what do you....

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by number, Jun 10, 2007.

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  1. number

    number Thread Starter

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    ..suggest me to do?

    Briefly, we've been together for a few months, we live in different states but so far everything is going great, we manage to catch up pretty often and we love each other.

    however, maybe this is just my sensation... she started to act 'less' interested in me, standing on the decrease in sms's, and shorter phone calls.
    Now, i know how to behave in these situations, not to have emotional overreactions or start to tell her to call me more often because this would just generate the opposite reaction.
    I know that if she starts to understand i'm becoming needy, less self confident, then for sure her attraction will decrease drastically.
    So i'm witnessing this decrease in sms's and phonecalls without knowing what to do beside acting self confident, normal and funny.
    But it's pretty hard.

    what do you guys recomend?
    thank you!
     
  2. katonca

    katonca

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    Hey number,

    How old are you two?

    I would think seeing each other a little more often is where I personally would start.
     
  3. number

    number Thread Starter

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    well, she will move with me in a month.... for a few weeks. we'll start to build up something then.
    however i'd like not to ruin her attraction by acting needy or telling her we should talk more often.... i know this is a mistake but i dont reist sometimes.

    age doesnt really matter, these are ageless principles. if u act needy at 15 - 35 - 65 you'll still create the same effect.
     
  4. Rockn

    Rockn

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    Realizing that you don't want to act needy means you have the proclivity to be needy or clingy which will happen later. What if later in your relationship she wants to do her own thing without you, how are you going to act then?
     
  5. katonca

    katonca

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    Guess it depends on the individual's sensitivity and emotions. Some people need/want the attention.

    Sometimes needs change with age - most 18 year olds crave attention because it may be a relatively new experience, compared to a 50 year old that has lived through it many times.
     
  6. number

    number Thread Starter

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    Rockn - i have the proclivity to nothing, really. I am just pointing out my status, right now, not a trait of my personality :)
    i am the contrary of needy or jealous. Stressed that out, there are moment in which we are more busy and moments in which we are less busy and a bit more lonely so we tend to focus on negative as it's happening to me right now.

    I know I have to act not needy, untill this negativity will last, but it's just damn hard, as simple as that. maybe tomorrow will be fine :)
     
  7. Trooper_fan

    Trooper_fan

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    I used to have a long distance relationship with someone a couple of years ago and we are still friends now and at the time I was seeing him he always seemed quite distant and if I said "I love you" he'd often just say "yeah... you too" and I'd constantly worry about him faling out of love with me.

    We were talking recently and the subject came up and it occurred to me that he didn't call me constantly or tell me he loved me every five minutes because he was secure in the fact he DID love me and there were no two ways about it. I was just seeing things that weren't there because of MY insecurities and worries :)

    Also when you first meet someone you talk constantly and find out new things about each other and there's a certain excitement but after a while it slows down and you settle into each other and don't need to speak so often or spend 25 hours a day chatting on MSN or whatever...

    There's also the fact you said she was moving in with you... moving home is a stressful thing to do and maybe she's a little tense about leaving her home / friends etc behind I know, I just moved 300 miles to move in with my boyfriend leaving my family and friends behind and I'm 36!!

    I think you are a little insecure and are maybe worrying too much... give it some time ask her if she's ok, if she's worried about the move etc and then there's always that she could just be genuinely busy :)

    Try not to worry about it too much though (and I know that can be hard)
     
  8. BanditFlyer

    BanditFlyer

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    First of all, a disclaimer. My relationships don't work. Take everything I say with a grain of salt and only look at it if it fits your situation.

    I'd say get a hobby. Focus on something else. Spend less time thinking about her and more time thinking about karate or chess or something.
     
  9. teengeekgrrl

    teengeekgrrl

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    First off, do you think she's consciously trying to act less interested? Or does it just seem that way?

    If you think she's deliberately trying to look disinterested, there's a good chance she might be.

    But possibly not, esp. if you think she isn't trying to send any message. She could be busy a lot. Maybe she feels like she's being smothered and needs some space or to calm down.

    It's kind of hard to say, as I don't know her or you.

    But good luck, definitely. Hope it all works out for ya :)
     
  10. dotty999

    dotty999 Dotty

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    I take it there's not a romantic bone in your body? :D
     
  11. SlackAli

    SlackAli Account Closed

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    First off, you have to understand that women see any degree of self-awareness in men - I assume you're a man - as a character fault. It's threatening to them and their status in any relationship. Never express weakness, never exhibit any form of self doubt.

    As Bandit says, get a hobby: this likely to be more satisfying, and certainly cheaper, in the long run. If you must have a relationship, get a dog - much more loyal. Although of course they can't drive you back from the boozer after 12 pints.
     
  12. BanditFlyer

    BanditFlyer

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    They can smell fear. If you look into their eyes too long, they'll bite you. And whatever you do, don't run. If one chases you, you should either climb a tree or play dead. Oh, and if you ever get mixed up with a group of more than one of them, the dynamics begin to resemble that of a swarm of killer bees. Use a water hose since bug spray only irritates them.
    I must agree - women have their plusses. They can post bail, for one. And if you happen to have one in the car beside you when you get caught speeding, just pray that the arresting officer is a man.
     
  13. BanditFlyer

    BanditFlyer

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    hmm? What's that you say? Romantic?

    :D
     
  14. WendyM

    WendyM Trusted Advisor

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    :rolleyes:

    No wonder so many relationships don't work.

    Maybe she is, in fact, less interested. If that's the case, then there's little you can do about it so it doesn't really matter if you seem needy.

    Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's been spending all her time talking to you and is now realizing she's neglecting her friends or her work or whatever. Maybe she's just decided that she needs more sleep and talking to you until 2 in the morning isn't as urgent now that you have an established relationship.

    But what always continues to amaze me, and makes me realize that I will never ever understand people, is that here is a person you love. Who loves you. Who is going to move in with you temporarily. And you can't express your feelings? For fear of looking vulnerable? If you can't be vulnerable with her, than with who?

    How about saying "Hey honey, is everything ok with you? I noticed that we haven't been talking as much lately and I just want to make sure you're doing ok." Because maybe it's not about you and she'd welcome the chance to talk about what's going on. Or maybe it is about you and she doesn't know how to bring up the issue. Or maybe it's nothing and she's just settled into a comfortable relationship with you where constant contact isn't necessary. But if you ask, she'll probably answer. The key is to BELIEVE her answer. If she says it's nothing, let it go. Asking if everything's ok isn't needy. Asking if she still loves you every day is.

    Everyone gets insecure about their relationship sometimes, and even more so in long-distance relationships, but if you can't communicate you probably don't have much hope, long-distance or not.
     
  15. dotty999

    dotty999 Dotty

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    where have all the romantic guys gone? apparently it's more satisfying to get a hobby! well that sure says a lot about their relationships;) oh! and you can have a dog, play chess, karate, and other sports... AND have a relationship too, perhaps those who prefer other pursuits are frightened of women:p probably because they will never understand us :D
     
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