New Joke / Humor thread #6

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Aug 10, 2007
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14,171
A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.

Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon".

"But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell".

"The nut has gone to heaven."
 
Joined
Aug 10, 2007
Messages
14,171
Subject: Halloween Story......


A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...


BUMP...


Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the
image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street
toward him.


BUMP...

BUMP...


BUMP...


Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him


FASTER...

FASTER...


BUMP...


BUMP...


BUMP...


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes
in, slams and locks the door behind him.



However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the
casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...



on his heels, the terrified man runs.



Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart
is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.





Bumping and clapping toward him.


The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can
find is a bottle of cough syrup!


Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



and,




(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)




scroll down....





















The coffin stops!


:D :eek:
 

LANMaster

Thread Starter
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Messages
55,854
CCM ... this is meant in all humor. Please don't take offense ....


Why do farts smell?










So deaf people can enjoy them too! ;) :D
 

Greytabby

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Aug 24, 2006
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LANMaster said:
CCM ... this is meant in all humor. Please don't take offense ....


Why do farts smell?










So deaf people can enjoy them too! ;) :D
LOL...i think ccm will enjoy this one...:D
kat
 
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Aug 26, 2002
Messages
35,238
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!..:p
 
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Apr 16, 2007
Messages
13,964
CrazyComputerMan said:
Cheeky Man....

That's the second car LAN driving :p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB_JCUw9SoU

And second one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mji82PQTYeo

Do you got a insurance to cover that mike :p
Hmm.. Not enough Perhaps a one bit more...

Three people are on a train: one Russian, one Cuban, and one Deaf person. The Russian is drinking from a bottle of vodka. She drinks about half the bottle, then throws it out the window. The Deaf person looks at her surprised. "Why did you throw out a bottle that was half full?" The Russian replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of vodka." Meanwhile, the Cuban, who is smoking a rich aromatic cigar, abruptly tosses it out the window. The Deaf person is surprised again and asks, "Why did you throw out a half-smoked cigar?" The Cuban replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of cigars." The Deaf person nods with interest. A little while later a hearing person walks down the aisle. The Deaf person grabs the hearing person and throws him out the window. The Russian and the Cuban look up in amazement. The Deaf person shrugs, "In my country we have plenty of hearing people!"

:D
 
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Messages
14,171
Divorce vs. Murder


A nice, calm, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I will lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

:p :D ;)
 
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Aug 10, 2007
Messages
14,171
STATEN ISLAND FERRY

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If he missed a ferry late at night, he would have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

;)
 
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Messages
35,238
twinofangelize56 said:
Divorce vs. Murder


A nice, calm, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I will lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

:p :D ;)
Franca for this one twinster......:p
 
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Jun 11, 2006
Messages
7,697
Mrs. Murphy, an elderly woman, goes to the doctor and asks for his
help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy.
"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem," replies the doctor.
"Drop it into his coffee, and he won't even taste it.
Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor, and he inquires
as to how things went.

"Oh, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor."

"What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee.
The effect was immediate. He jumped straight, swept the cutlery
off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then
proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop.
It was terrible."

"What was terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"

"Oh, no, doctor. The sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
but I'll never be able to show my face at McDonald's again."
 

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