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New Joke / Humor thread #6

Discussion in 'Thread Games & Discussion' started by LANMaster, Nov 1, 2007.

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  1. LANMaster

    LANMaster Banned Thread Starter

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  2. twinofangelize56

    twinofangelize56

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    A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.

    Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon".

    "But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell".

    "The nut has gone to heaven."
     
  3. CrazyComputerMan

    CrazyComputerMan

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    Robert
    LMAO Good one!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  4. twinofangelize56

    twinofangelize56

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    Subject: Halloween Story......


    A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

    when behind him he hears:

    BUMP...

    BUMP...


    BUMP...


    Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the
    image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street
    toward him.


    BUMP...

    BUMP...


    BUMP...


    Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing
    quickly behind him


    FASTER...

    FASTER...


    BUMP...


    BUMP...


    BUMP...


    He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes
    in, slams and locks the door behind him.



    However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the
    casket clapping

    clappity-BUMP...



    clappity-BUMP...


    clappity-BUMP...



    on his heels, the terrified man runs.



    Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart
    is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



    With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.





    Bumping and clapping toward him.


    The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can
    find is a bottle of cough syrup!


    Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



    and,




    (hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)




    scroll down....





















    The coffin stops!


    :D :eek:
     
  5. LANMaster

    LANMaster Banned Thread Starter

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    CCM ... this is meant in all humor. Please don't take offense ....


    Why do farts smell?










    So deaf people can enjoy them too! ;) :D
     
  6. Greytabby

    Greytabby Account Closed

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    LOL...i think ccm will enjoy this one...:D
    kat
     
  7. franca

    franca

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    A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

    The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

    The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

    The blonde says "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!..:p
     
  8. CrazyComputerMan

    CrazyComputerMan

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  9. CrazyComputerMan

    CrazyComputerMan

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    Hmm.. Not enough Perhaps a one bit more...

    Three people are on a train: one Russian, one Cuban, and one Deaf person. The Russian is drinking from a bottle of vodka. She drinks about half the bottle, then throws it out the window. The Deaf person looks at her surprised. "Why did you throw out a bottle that was half full?" The Russian replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of vodka." Meanwhile, the Cuban, who is smoking a rich aromatic cigar, abruptly tosses it out the window. The Deaf person is surprised again and asks, "Why did you throw out a half-smoked cigar?" The Cuban replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of cigars." The Deaf person nods with interest. A little while later a hearing person walks down the aisle. The Deaf person grabs the hearing person and throws him out the window. The Russian and the Cuban look up in amazement. The Deaf person shrugs, "In my country we have plenty of hearing people!"

    :D
     
  10. twinofangelize56

    twinofangelize56

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    Divorce vs. Murder


    A nice, calm, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

    The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I will lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the pharmacist's wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

    :p :D ;)
     
  11. twinofangelize56

    twinofangelize56

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    STATEN ISLAND FERRY

    This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If he missed a ferry late at night, he would have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

    So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

    He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

    "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

    ;)
     
  12. lexmarks567

    lexmarks567

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    why did the dummy take a bowling ball to the bathroom
    he wanted to see the TOILET BOWL :D
     
  13. firestormer

    firestormer

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    oooo a new thread, mambo #6! keep em coming, you keep me sane, lol
     
  14. franca

    franca

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    Franca for this one twinster......:p [​IMG]
     
  15. Farmgirl22

    Farmgirl22

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    Mrs. Murphy, an elderly woman, goes to the doctor and asks for his
    help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

    "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

    "Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy.
    "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

    "No problem," replies the doctor.
    "Drop it into his coffee, and he won't even taste it.
    Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."

    A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor, and he inquires
    as to how things went.

    "Oh, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor."

    "What happened?" asked the doctor.

    "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee.
    The effect was immediate. He jumped straight, swept the cutlery
    off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then
    proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop.
    It was terrible."

    "What was terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"

    "Oh, no, doctor. The sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
    but I'll never be able to show my face at McDonald's again."
     
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