On a lighter note.. :)


Thread Starter
Jun 19, 2003
Evening all,

Probably urbam myths, but funny anyway. It's going round work at the moment.. :D

Any among you who believe you are technologically challenged you "ain't seen nothin'" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called in to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and cleaning them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an Invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" response shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents and told the tech that the computer had said it couldn't find the printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that the computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and nothing happened. The tech asked what happened when she pressed the power switch. At that point she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in ........" The user hadn't realized the "Insert Disk 2" implied to "Remove Disk 1" first.

10. A story from a Novell netWire SysOp: Caller: Hello, is this Tech
Tech: Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: The cup holder on my
PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder? Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer. Tech: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know
anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point,
the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't help it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point because the man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine,"

12. AND, last but not least:
Tech Support: OK, Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, click on the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"



A Computer was something on TV.
from a science fiction show of note.
A Window was something you hated to clean.
And Ram was the father of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend.
And Gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things.
And that really Mega Bytes.

An Application was for employment.
A Program was a TV show.
A Cursor used profanity.
A Keyboard was a piano.

A Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3-inch floppy.
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage.
Not something you did to a file.
And if you Unzipped anything in public.
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log On was adding wood to the fire.
Hard Drive was a long trip on the road.
A Mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And a Backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A Web was a spider's home.
And a Virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper.
And the Memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash.
But when it happens they wish they were dead


Aug 25, 2003
Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.

Anne Troy

Feb 14, 1999
I like them all. Now I'll tell you a true one that happened to me!

I answer the phone. It is an employee of JPMorgan or Morgan Stanley Dean Witter---one of those firms. One always imagines some overpaid financier on the other end.

Me: Thank you for calling PC Helps, can I have your name please?
Him: (Gave his name, but I forget. We'll call him) Dave
Me: Thanks, Dave. What can we do for you today?
Him: I'm having a problem with Outlook. (pause)
Me: What's the problem?
Him: I can't get it up. (pause)
(OK. I admit I have a dirty mind, but really--when you're on the phone with a client, your head just doesn't GO there...ya know? So I wait for him to say more.)
Him: I. Can't. Believe. I. Just. Said. That.
(We both roar with laughter and move on to fix his problem. Call is ending.)
Me: Okay, Dave. Just give us a call next time you can't get it up!
(More roars....)

I even won a prize at the holiday party for funniest call...
Jul 16, 2003
real quick one cause Im on my way out .. this happened to me just this past week.

I was on a live chat with a customer, who thank god had a sence of humor.

I was in the middle of chatting here and doing this live chat. Well I had copied & pasted about a 5 year old who made a bong for show N tell.

Well I had thought that I had since then copied & pasted something for the customer,
and well...

posted to the customer about the 5 year old & the bong.

Ashley> thats alright. The part of the site that has to be secure is the credit card information. It should be fine.
Ashley> Did you get a # yet?
MrCharlie01> Hang on I'm on the phone.
Ashley> sure sure :) Im not going anywhere :)
MrCharlie01> ??? it sent me back to the home page?
Ashley> with no #?
Ashley> Can you check your email for me.
MrCharlie01> Sure ...
Ashley> Girl, 5, makes bong in class
Ashley> crap. sorry that was in the news this morning. we were talking about how horrible it was
Ashley> but the good news is, I found you. I think.
Ashley> Aavid Thermalloy is this your company?
MrCharlie01> Nope ... Helping Hands ...
Ashley> Hang on.
MrCharlie01> There's something coming into the email ...
Ashley> Might be it, but Im not seeing the order on my side. Looks like you might have been right afterall.
MrCharlie01> Not you ... That's another issue ... LOL
MrCharlie01> Let me check the cart on this end.
Ashley> Eh, Im still upset over the news this morning. Well, there are a few options. I can go ahead and put the order in right now. But you will have to give me all of your information. You can hit the back key and see if your information is still there and try again.... you let me know if you have any ideas :) We were doing so good before this..... donno where it went wrong :(
MrCharlie01> Hey that's technology ... These programs are great if you don't ask them to break their rules ...
Ashley> LOl oh man, it was my fault :)
MrCharlie01> Go get your fingers warm ... I'll play on this end a bit.
Ashley> alright :) Im here when yah need me again :)
MrCharlie01> What was your fault? The girl with the bong?
Ashley> lol no no... I told you to cheat the system :) and Id probably pretend tot ake the blame if that ment I got a free ride down to Aussie. I just would not want the punishment :)
MrCharlie01> OK ...
MrCharlie01> I'm not telling anyone anything ... youll still get a 5 rating ... You're doing all you can...and I KNOW you'll get this fixed !!!
Ashley> Of course :) Actually the adminstrater is probably reading it now..lol But it was an accident... Hopefully he is as understanding as you this morning.. and it was the news, Im sure it could have been worse :)
MrCharlie01> What in **** are you talking about?
Ashley> lol You just keep drinking your coffee :)
MrCharlie01> OK ...lol
Ashley> So were you placing another order now?
Ashley> Congrats .. your order # is 60539

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