Romance and Chivalry AKA affection and Manners

[celticsong22]

A common source of debate between my fiance and myself, is in the area of manners and romance. I'm rather old school, preferring him to open doors, act loving and affectionate, and preferably not go out of his way to belch or pass gas simply because he feels comfortable around me!

Yes, I have two arms and can open a car door for myself. To me, when a man opens a door for a woman, it's a sign of respect and being cared for and protected. Yes, I know he loves me. But is it too much to expect romance and affection on a daily basis?

He seems to think I'm being childish and needy, and I feel he's being lazy and emotionally closed. What do YOU think about this?

 

[poochee]

I agree with you!

I'm not one of the boys and I expect to be treated like the "princess" I am! Of course, he should also be treated like the "prince" he is!

 

[treespirit]

I agree with you, my husband always unlocks and opens the car door for me. It's just another way to show respect and affection everyday. It works both ways of course and to me it means a lot.

 

[DiSaidSo]

Hm, I don't think opening a car door (etc) is romantic. I think it's acknowledgement. I don't want to play the "Texas card" here (but I will ), but it's pretty commonplace here for a man to hold the door for me... even if he is a complete stranger. I love it! And I'll never take it for granted! I always look the man in the eye as I pass him and say "Thank you" with a smile. I never expect it and I never get annoyed when someone doesn't hold it for me.

Then again, I've been out of the dating world for quite some time (may be getting back in soon.... say a prayer, cross your fingers, toss a coin in the fountain.... whatever you have to do! ). Honestly, Celtic it sounds to me like he doesn't have to impress you any more. He already knows you love him, and that he loves you. My goodness woman, you should just KNOW! I could be wrong (it's happened before and it'll happen again!).

But I totally agree with you... little things make a big difference. We should all be so lucky to have someone to love in our lives. It doesn't take a grand gesture to show you care. The problem is, some men seem to make their own rules about how to show a woman that he cares. FOR EXAMPLE! Going to work and making money is not a way to show you care! It is nice, but that does not feed us emotionally. Coming home.... not a way to show you care. That is a given (or should be). Making an unexpected phone call just to remind you that he loves you.... that's showing he cares! Buying a small gift just because he knows you like Rollos. That's showing he cares!

I most certainly do not think you are being childish. You are making your feelings and needs known. What are you supposed to do? Keep it all inside until it festers and turns into something bigger? Or should you be open about what's bothering you?

Man, for someone who hasn't had a boyfriend in 4 years, I sure got it all figured out, eh?

 

[marcus77]

Maybe it's a generational thing. I do know older women that enjoy chivalry and romance, but people close to my age (I'm 27) seem to scoff at the ideas.

I have been with women that are very turned off by chivalry and romance. I have been told that chivalry degrates women to being portrayed as helpless. And, that when a man is romantic, it causes women to think that either he's "soft", or he's gay.

Personally, I enjoy being romantic and practicing chivalry. I don't see it as portraying women as helpless or as being soft. I think they both show that we care about the other person.

 

[DiSaidSo]

Maybe it's a generational thing. I do know older women that enjoy chivalry and romance, but people close to my age (I'm 27) seem to scoff at the ideas.

I have been with women that are very turned off by chivalry and romance. I have been told that chivalry degrates women to being portrayed as helpless. And, that when a man is romantic, it causes women to think that either he's "soft", or he's gay.

Personally, I enjoy being romantic and practicing chivalry. I don't see it as portraying women as helpless or as being soft. I think they both show that we care about the other person.

There is definitely a difference between, "Oh you are a woman and incapable of living life" and "Here, let me do something nice for you because I like you."

The only thing that I dislike about the notion of "romance" is the cliche of it all. As in, don't buy me red roses because women like roses. Buy me purple daisies because purple is my favorite color and you saw them in the grocery store and thought I'd like them. THAT'S romance! The old stand-by is just going through the motions. Romance is about being wild about that ONE PERSON!

Also, I hate poetry. Do not write me poetry.

 

[treespirit]

Exactly Di!

 

[angelize56]

I'm old-fashioned...I love chivalry and romance from a man!

But is it too much to expect romance and affection on a daily basis?

Hmmmm.....maybe a man might run out of ideas how to be romantic every day....try to accept what he can offer...continue to make your feelings known....and most of all....be thankful for him too! You know how some women get PMS or have a bad day...men probably feel the same....minus the PMS of course....there may be days he just doesn't feel he wants to be romantic....then you should hold it against him.....

 

[DiSaidSo]

You know how some women get PMS or have a bad day...men probably feel the same....minus the PMS of course....

I'd like to respectfully disagree with that. The only difference between a woman's PMS and a man's is that a woman's is predictable!

 

[angelize56]

Isn't that the truth Di!!!!

Hey Di....best of luck if you've found a man....I'm excited for you!!

 

[DiSaidSo]

Thanks, Angel. Let's not count our ducklings just yet, though. He has yet to ask me out, but from what I hear from his mom (I know, weird....but it's not what you think ), things are looking good.

 

[Moby]

Di, if you can't wait for the next life and find Mr right and get married in this one, I'm suing you for bigamy . . . . I think
At the very least you can open your own bloody doors

 

[hannab]

I think you should treat your loved one as if they are a loved one...my husband and I kiss each other good morning and good night every day, hold hands when we walk together and through the day just do things that are thoughtful, something as simple as his pouring cereal for both of us or me ironing his shirt since I'm ironing my blouse anyway. Things that make life a little nicer or easier.

As far as opening the door, I do that for anyone! and the not belching or passing gas is just asking someone to be civilized ..there's being comfortable around someone and there's just being gross.

The Flowers and Poetry Romance? not every day.

Affection? Yes everyday If you supposedly love the person, being nice to them should be second nature.

 

[DiSaidSo]

LMAO Moby! You can't sue me for bigamy unless we consummate our torrid fictional marriage. Hehehe

Hey, I said I don't expect men to open my bloody doors, but dang it's nice when they do. Lots of consummating for that kind of bloody behaviour. [Added the u for your convenience]

 

[angelize56]

At the very least you can open your own bloody doors

Our doors aren't bloody here...is it violent there in Wales??

Hi Steve!