Snappy Answers!

angelize56

Thread Starter
Always remembered in our hearts
Joined
Apr 17, 2002
Messages
82,163
Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

The "Teacher" Snappy Answer Of The Year!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-a$$ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snckering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
 

angelize56

Thread Starter
Always remembered in our hearts
Joined
Apr 17, 2002
Messages
82,163
:D

Q: So you haven't caught any fish yet huh?
A: Sure, I've caught millions, they're just in the water playing tag!

Q: (Person watching a trick) Am I supposed to pick a card?
A: No, you're supposed to pick your nose.

Q: So how was school today?
A: The police will fill you in.

Q: Excuse me sir, is this the end of the line?
A: No, it's the front, we're all standing backward!

Q: Were you sitting there?
A: No, my imaginary friend, (insert name), is sitting there.

Q: Why can't you be like your brother?!
A: Just lucky I guess.
 

bassetman

Moderator (deceased) - Gone but never forgotten
Joined
Jun 7, 2001
Messages
47,973
A true story from a police officer friend. At bar time a guy is being a jerk, my friend said what makes you think you can get away with this?
He replies because I'm part-time.
My friend: Part-time what?
Him: Part-time A$$hole
My friend: Make the cop laugh, get off free! ;)

Student story. In a very large class the instructor said no late tests will be accepted, not one minute/sec late.
When the bell rings, one student casually finishes his test and walks down to the instructor and the huge pile of exams. The instructor says "I won't accept it"!
Student says "do you know who I am"?
Instructor "No"!
Student sticks his exam in the middle of the huge pile and walks out. :cool:
 

angelize56

Thread Starter
Always remembered in our hearts
Joined
Apr 17, 2002
Messages
82,163
(y) Good ones John....especially the second! :D
 
Joined
Jul 14, 2003
Messages
1,258
Thanks for the laugh guys!!! :D

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the he** she is.
Ellen DeGeneris

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 

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