Tech Support Humor ...


Thread Starter
Jul 31, 2001
It’s amazing that some people get paid to do tech support….

Setting: I get called in to the office because the office manager who is totally computer illiterate is having computer problems and needs help… Upon arrival I find heron the phone with tech support.

Office Manager: I’m going to put someone on the line now that knows about computers

Tech Support: Hello, ok what we’ll do first is test X product. Can you see the screen in front of you?

Me: Ummm yes (sarcastic thought “No what’s a screen?” but I resist the urge)

Tech Support: Ok on this screen there are little pictures of things (“Do you mean icons?) Do you see the little pictures?

Me: yes

Tech Support: there should be one that says X product test do you see this little picture?

Me: yes (said as I am opening program)

Tech Support: ok there should be a mouse either to your right or left … pause… Do you know what a mouse is? (its one of those furry little animals right?)

Me: yes, … Ma’am I have about 3 months until I’m a certified computer technician you don’t need to go into great detail I’m sure I can figure things out and if not I’ll ask you to clarify

Tech Support: Oh great this should be easy then. Ok when you clicked the mouse and opened the program there should be a little box that says test… click it once with your mouse

Me: ok the test is complete and it apparently is not recognizing X product

Tech Support: ok we will now check the device out (she proceeds to tell me how to get to system in the control panel then…) Ok could you hold on for a second I can’t seem to find the page on what to do next?

Me: ok while you are looking for that page, I’ll go ahead and see if there are any hardware conflicts on the computer

Tech Support: oh ok

Me: ok no hardware conflicts everything seems to be working right

Tech Support: Oh that’s cool how do you do that?

Me: Start- Programs- Accessories- System Information- Click on the + beside hardware then click on Conflicts/ Sharing

Tech Support: ok start- programs- accessories??????

Me: (walks her through the process again)

Tech Support: wow I didn’t know you could do that

Me: (what am I getting myself into?)

Tech Support: could you hold for a second, all of my colleagues are laughing at me?

(music plays)

Tech Support: ok thank you for holding, I’m going to transfer you to Gus, he is our expert and I’m sure he will be able to help you

(music plays)

Gus: Hello, what I need you to do is go to start- settings- control panel- then click on the icon that says system (ummm you mean the little picture?)

Me: ok I’m there

Gus: ok click on the second tab at the top – find ports- click on the +

Me: ok

Gus: It should say COM 1, COM 2, COM 3, COM 4, and then LTP

Me: okay this computer only has 2 COM ports though

Gus: No, no, no it says right here on my screen that there are 4

Me: this computer only has 2 COM ports

Gus: ok let’s try this again (gives instruction on hew to get to system and device manager again)
Me: I am there but there are still only 2 COM ports (did you expect more to grow there or something?)

Gus: Ma’am I am looking at the screen right now and I assure you there are 4 COM ports

Me: (oh boy) Sir, your system information will vary from mine because obviously your computer is different

Gus: Can you do this for me one more time… start- settings- control panel- system- device manager- click on the + beside the ports and there should be 4

Me: Sir, this computer only has 2 COM ports, the system information that shows on my screen is different from the system information on your screen because my computer is different

Gus: Ma’am I am a certified technical troubleshooter and I know what I am talking about (are you sure?)

Me: I do not mean to question what you are telling me, but there may be 4 COM ports on YOUR computer but there are only 2 on MINE

Gus: I am looking at the device manager right now and there are 4

Me: (starting to wonder if I should just hang up, but becoming amused so I decide to play tech) Sir is there another computer close by?

Gus: yes ma’am

Me: Ok could you go to that computer and talk from there?

Gus: ok hold on just one sec

(music plays)

Gus: ok I am at the other computer now

Me: ok go to start- settings- control panel- system – click on the tab that says device manager – click the + beside ports

Gus: ok

Me: what does it say

Gus: (sounding somewhat baffled) it says COM 1, COM 2, COM 3, LTP, and Virtual Infrared LPT

Me: ok sir do you see that a different computers have different numbers of ports and that mine is different from either of your computers?

Gus: yes, I wasn’t aware of this before

Me: (and you’re tech support and you get paid???) ok, I think I’ll go try to troubleshoot my computer, and see if I come up with anything, if I need anything, I’ll just give you a call back (not on your life I wouldn’t call back if you were the last hope I had)

Gus: ok that’s sounds good… Thank you so much for your help (hey isn’t that supposed to be my line???)

Scary huh? Considering this was the “expert” it was worth a good laugh, but I could have used the near hour and a half a little better …

after checking the computer and finding everything working correctly, I contacted X product through the X product company website I recieved an email a few hours later and it seems that the software program mailed out with the product had a known bug which stopped the product from initializing the fix was included in the email with the number for tech support (the same number I had dialed previously) in case I had any problems... fortunately I was able to install the fix and had X product up andrunning in under 5 minutes (there is a GOD!!!)
Dec 2, 1998
Very good laugh for this morning.
Now take what tech support was saying to you and flip flop it. I used to do software tech support and I had stories for my friends every day dealing with some customers. I really MISS that!
Oct 14, 2001
Way to go.........

Point well taken

Some of them have no common sense at all.

It sure pays to learn a little something about your own system so when you have to call tech support .... at least then if you can't do the job yourself you'll have an dea if the tech you have on the phone has a clue as to what the h_ll they are talking about.

Thats why I like this forum so good. Not just one person helps... many do.

"two or more heads are better than one"

Savvy :)
Oct 9, 2001
Hehe, sounds like when I called about my cable modem, I wanted to complain about the crappy service and the down time I was receiving.

*after a short intro and about 4 forwards to get to a person who could "help" me*
Me: My cable internet has cut out four times this week...
Them: When would this be?
Me: ('Well if you had let me finish my sentence!') So I tell them the times, of which each lasted between 2 and at least 5 hours (went to bed so it was probably longer)
Them: Well we have had no problems here, perhaps your computer is configured wrong?
Me: If my computer was configured wrong wouldn't it not work at all?
Them: Well have your tried turning the modem on and off when this happens or checking the cables.
Me: ('there are cables???') Did I mention that I am a computer programmer and have done work as a Network Technician?
Them: So did you check the cables?
Me: Of course, and they are perfect, I shutdown the computer reset the modem and turned my computer back on. The modem is working fine, I checked the lights, it shows power, it shows it is trying to send and it also shows that it is getting no response. I allready talked to other people in the area and they are having the same problems at the same times as me. Are you sure none of your servers, routers or switches went down?
Them: Let me check that. *30s pause* No, everything looks fine, it should be working.
Me: It is working right now, but since your support line is only open from 8-5 I had to call during the day.
Them: Well if its working now then problem solved.
Me: Ok, look, forget it, obviously you don't understand english to comprehend the reason I called. *click*

I hung up, it wasn't worth my damn time. Next time it goes down I am going to ask to speak with one of their network techs so I can actually use multi-syllabic words and perhaps not get some PFY reading from a book. Its really bad when you actually hear them flipping the pages to get the correct response.
Oct 9, 2001
Oh and in defense of some Help Desk people (where I work they are competent!)

I had a case forwarded to me from Helpdesk. Since I am in charge of one of the pieces of software (I hate it when we buy instead of build) I get to handle problems related to it. So anyway, I return the call and it goes like this:
User: Hello?
Me: Hello this is <my name here> from Computer Services, I hear you are having trouble with <X piece of software>.
User: No.
Me: Okay? Are you having any problems with your computer?
User: Yes, when I try and log into <X piece of software> ...

It goes downhill from there :rolleyes:
Basically it was that "Monday morning password eating virus again" also known as the ID10T virus.
May 26, 2001
It is amazing they call themselves tech support. I have had similar experiences where they threat you like you have never heard of the "computer" before and by the time you are done with them you realize that it is really you who should have their job and they should be the ones calling the tech support. It is hard to believe that these people are... quote unqoute... "certified".

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