Tech Support Questions

Dark Star

Thread Starter
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Jun 8, 2001
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A friend sent me this recently and I thought today might be a good day to post this just to lighten things up here........... any and all suggestions for this problem not covered in the reply may help this guy out, I know you're are all "creative". I think that's the word I want......

DS

To: Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER

Dear TROUBLED USER:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings-Alimony/Child Support”.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Tech Support
 
Joined
Mar 12, 2001
Messages
912
In the event of a need to return to the Girlfriend 7.0 o.s. I can recommend this fix that worked for me.
Consider installing MISTRESS 1.0 (Mistress 2.0, Mistress 3.0 and a other derivatives are available in some areas but are not recommended as unforseen conflicts can arise).
A number of years ago I upgraded my own copy of Mistress 1.0 to full Wife 2.0 specification and have had no error messages to date.
It is most important that all new systems are fully checked with the latest Anti Virus definitions available to ensure a stable operating environment.

No warranties given or implied.
 
Joined
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Messages
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How did you manage the Mistress 1.0 download without an OE (overhead expense error). These OE errors can cause popups such as low system resources initiated from RollingPin 1.5 or FryPan 3.0. Those aforementioned programs tend to cause Black screens and hard restarts which force you into through scandisks.
Seems to me the current OS upgrade should be well thought out before a decision is made to change OS's.
 
Joined
Jul 22, 2001
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The problem with Wife 1.0 is that it suffers from a memory leak. The original programmer is aware of the problem but HE refuses to do anything about it. Fortunately there is a utility available called Smackdown 1.2 when applied can solve, temporarily, the memory leak problem. Should Wife 1.0 start exhibiting the behavior described in the first post or if Wife 1.0 refuses to perform or withholds its primary function running Smackdown 1.2 will restore the memory to its proper condition. Some computer operators suggest use of Smackdown on a regular and frequent basis, however, I suggest its use only when Wife 1.0 refuses to perform its primary function. To much use of Smackdown 1.2 will result in the OE problem previously referenced by davey7549.
 
Joined
Mar 12, 2001
Messages
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Mistress 1.0 download and subsequent upgrade was initiated without OE errors by the expedient of having a pre-installed version of a GUI, or General Usurpation Instruction, which allows Wife 1.0 to be overwritten simply by a RE-Boot (right 'eavy boot), thus eliminating pecuniary file outflow problems.

The absence of any associated applets is, of course, an essential pre-condition for such a clean upgrade and this can be checked by using SCAN-BRAT at an early stage.

For successful upgrades of this nature I found Legal Compromise 4.0 particularly useful. This enabled me to establish a complex WORM command (normal Write Once - Read Many instruction) that Mistress 1.0 utilises by default. This command is held by the operator on a CD-RW basis, that is Can't Divorce - Rights Waived.

This prevents any future conflicts in all programs but has to be monitored regularly with downloads available through the NET (National Entrapment Trust) at www.keepemunder.de.thum.
 
Joined
Feb 28, 2001
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The only trouble with running FakeSuicide I'm OuttaHere 3.1 is the bug they forgot to fix which automatically launches
PrivateDetective 1.3 and creates a log file of all previous activity and future errors. This log file is then transmitted via Spyware KGB 3.2 and sent to Legal Compromise 4.0.
 

~Candy~

Retired Administrator
Joined
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Hmmmmmmmm --- honey, where's my wine????????

Sounds like you boys are having way too much fun here....where's my Lawyer? Mulder, honey, where are you dear????
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Messages
1,741
Originally posted by davey7549
The only trouble with running FakeSuicide I'm OuttaHere 3.1 is the bug they forgot to fix which automatically launches
PrivateDetective 1.3 and creates a log file of all previous activity and future errors. This log file is then transmitted via Spyware KGB 3.2 and sent to Legal Compromise 4.0.
Forgot to mention, in addition to running
FakeSuicide I'm OuttaHere 3.1, you should
also install "Relocate To Foreign Country 5.0"
(preferably the "Friendly Country" version)...
 
Joined
Mar 12, 2001
Messages
912
Wife 2.0 has just put up a "No function without further input" query.

Looks like I'll have to do a complete program check and that could take all night.

I'll try running KY 6.9 as a first option. Never know, it might give full access to all programs without the need for a Defrag.

Defrag? Did I tell you about Defrag?

No? Oh dear, that was the main problem with Wife 1.0.

Ah well, never mind. Gotta fix Wife 2.0 first.
 
Joined
Feb 28, 2001
Messages
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Hmmm......Never thought about Viagra 1.0.
Might be the fix for all the poorly configured programs mentioned.
I am sure viagra 1.0 would cause the run time error exhaustion 2.4 but at that point a reinstall is appropriate.
 

Dark Star

Thread Starter
Joined
Jun 8, 2001
Messages
3,054
While doing some 'hands on' research on Girlfriend 7.0 I learned of a software install at http://www.trojancondoms.com/ this software insures against further program replication within Girlfriend 7.0 and isolates potential virus concerns to Girlfriend 7.0 while assuring no further stack dumps from Wife 1.0.

The software does require an entire download replacement after performing a deep scan, however additional copies are easily downloaded and stored for future use in MS Wallet.

Another program that has been used with some degree of success is available at http://www.youcandenyit.com/ however it has been found to be non-compatible with some Wife OSs. This should be used as a last measure of defense.
 

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