What Computer Acronyms Really Mean


Thread Starter
Jun 27, 2002
* WWW = World Wide Wait

* ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

* SCSI = System Can't See It

* DOS = Defective Operating System

* IBM = I Blame Microsoft

* PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect
Understanding Of Mathematics

* BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Sieze Industry Control

* APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

* CD-ROM = Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete Monthly

* COBOL = Completely Obsolete Business-Orientated Language

* AMIGA = A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

* MIPS = Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed

* WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

* MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating
System Hangs

* MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software
Only Fools Teens

* PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
Jun 9, 2003
Very funny, Deke!:D :D

I thought that IBM = It's Better Manually?

and that DOS = Denial of Service - when it crashed!


:cool: :cool:
Aug 25, 2003
Seems like a good place to post this.....

Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there's still hope:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse
was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to
be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old
(5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat
failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer
had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter
to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with photocopies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and going
across the room to close the door.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
and washing them individually.
8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid"
responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer." The user had even tried turning the computer screen to
face the printer - but his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed
the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot
pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her
brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,
plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to
happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch,
she asked "What power switch?"
12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show?
How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark
on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been
using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and
snapped it off the drive.
13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang
for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to
put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk, but I
squeezed it in. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't
even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2"
meant to remove Disk 1 first.


Always remembered in our hearts
Apr 17, 2002

Idiots Buy Me

Idiots Building Machines

I'll Buy Macintoshes

It Bit Me

It Built Microsoft

I've Been Mislead

I've Been Mugged


Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

When I Need Data Output Without Speed

While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation


Whoppingly Immense NOP

Worm Infestation Netware


My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

Different Operating Systems Expectations

Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It

UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not

Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies

DEC: Dump Everything and Close

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic

HP: Hot Pursuit

MAC: Most Absurd Computer

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

NEXT: Now Exchange for Trash

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

WARP: What A Rotten Program


Account Closed
Nov 11, 2002
TWAIN*, which comes from the saying "Ne'er the twain shall meet" because the Data Source Manager sits between the driver and application, is the de facto interface standard for scanners. Nearly all scanners come with a TWAIN driver, which makes them compatible with any TWAIN-supporting software. Unfortunately, not all scanner software is TWAIN-compatible.

*According to TWAIN.org, TWAIN is not an acronym for "Technology Without An Interesting Name."

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