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What Computer Acronyms Really Mean

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by Deke40, Oct 8, 2003.

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  1. Deke40

    Deke40 Thread Starter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2002
    Messages:
    5,991
    * WWW = World Wide Wait

    * ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

    * SCSI = System Can't See It

    * DOS = Defective Operating System

    * IBM = I Blame Microsoft

    * PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect
    Understanding Of Mathematics

    * BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Sieze Industry Control

    * APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

    * CD-ROM = Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete Monthly

    * COBOL = Completely Obsolete Business-Orientated Language

    * AMIGA = A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

    * MIPS = Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed

    * WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

    * MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating
    System Hangs

    * MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software
    Only Fools Teens

    * PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
     
  2. Paquadez

    Paquadez

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2003
    Messages:
    8,765
    Very funny, Deke!:D :D

    I thought that IBM = It's Better Manually?

    and that DOS = Denial of Service - when it crashed!

    Paq

    :cool: :cool:
     
  3. clskrk

    clskrk

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    5,193
    Seems like a good place to post this.....

    Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there's still hope:

    1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
    Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
    is.
    2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse
    was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to
    be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
    3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
    that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old
    (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat
    failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer
    had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter
    to type the labels.
    4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
    diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
    with photocopies of the floppies.
    5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
    back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
    hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and going
    across the room to close the door.
    6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
    to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
    discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
    in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
    7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
    longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
    water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
    and washing them individually.
    8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
    because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The
    tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid"
    responses shouldn't be taken personally.
    9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
    He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
    printer." The user had even tried turning the computer screen to
    face the printer - but his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
    10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
    her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
    plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed
    the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot
    pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
    mouse!
    11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her
    brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,
    plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to
    happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch,
    she asked "What power switch?"
    12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
    Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
    Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
    warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
    Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show?
    How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark
    on it?"
    Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
    promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
    couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been
    using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and
    snapped it off the drive.
    13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang
    for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to
    put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk, but I
    squeezed it in. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't
    even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2"
    meant to remove Disk 1 first.
     
  4. angelize56

    angelize56 Always remembered in our hearts

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2002
    Messages:
    82,163
    IBM

    Idiots Buy Me

    Idiots Building Machines

    I'll Buy Macintoshes

    It Bit Me

    It Built Microsoft

    I've Been Mislead

    I've Been Mugged

    WINDOWS

    Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

    When I Need Data Output Without Speed

    While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

    WIN

    Whoppingly Immense NOP

    Worm Infestation Netware

    MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

    My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

    Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

    WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

    Different Operating Systems Expectations

    Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

    MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It

    UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

    VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not

    Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies

    DEC: Dump Everything and Close

    DEC: Do Expect Cuts

    HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic

    HP: Hot Pursuit

    MAC: Most Absurd Computer

    MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

    NEXT: Now Exchange for Trash

    OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

    WARP: What A Rotten Program
     
  5. gotrootdude

    gotrootdude

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2003
    Messages:
    8,812
    UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

    CHMOD ?
     
  6. Aaron.W

    Aaron.W

    Joined:
    May 8, 2003
    Messages:
    485
    Syntax error.

    $> IfUHv2sk -U -D:nt -W:nt -2 -K:no

    (That better?) :D
     
  7. clskrk

    clskrk

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    5,193
    [​IMG]
     

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  8. DaveBurnett

    DaveBurnett Account Closed

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2002
    Messages:
    12,970
    TWAIN*, which comes from the saying "Ne'er the twain shall meet" because the Data Source Manager sits between the driver and application, is the de facto interface standard for scanners. Nearly all scanners come with a TWAIN driver, which makes them compatible with any TWAIN-supporting software. Unfortunately, not all scanner software is TWAIN-compatible.

    *According to TWAIN.org, TWAIN is not an acronym for "Technology Without An Interesting Name."
     
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