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worst analogies ever written !!

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by joe2cool, Jan 29, 2003.

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  1. joe2cool

    joe2cool Thread Starter

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    Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in an essay" contest.

    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

    Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/[email protected] but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/[email protected] by mistake

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
    :D ;) :D
     
  2. LANMaster

    LANMaster Banned

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    LOL Thanks, I needed that.
     
  3. joe2cool

    joe2cool Thread Starter

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    :D ;) :D :cool: Welcome
     
  4. bassetman

    bassetman Moderator (deceased) - Gone but never forgotten

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    Thanks! Funny! :D

    John
     
  5. pyritechips

    pyritechips Gone but Never Forgotten

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    First Name:
    Jim
    I always wanted to write a real sappy heart-breaker gol dang country song. I never got past the first line:

    "You are the speed bump on the highway of my life!"
     
  6. SyscoKid

    SyscoKid

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    The sun beat like a molten hammer upon the sand that Jasper trudged upon, scorching his bare skin, baking his eyeballs dry, boiling his brains in his skull, and bleaching his hair to that lovely yellowy shade that perfectly matched his taupe shirt, the one that he could wear with either his suede jacket or the denim one.

    For more, check out the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results.
     
  7. Gibble

    Gibble

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    "McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. "

    That's a good one! really...
     
  8. plschwartz

    plschwartz

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    One from a Gorden Lightfoot song:
    Like brave mountaineers they never were bothered by time.
     
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